Humor

The true beauty of soccer is its ability to bring so many different cultures together. It allows people to interact and find common ground who would never do so normally. Sometimes when cultures collide in this manner there can be little mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes take the form of very silly names. Like these:

Josh Windass

Kevin Lasagna

Marco Boogers

Bongo Christ

Danny Invincible

Creedence Clearwater Couto

Fabian Assman

Ricky van Wolfswinkel

Thomas Partey

Jean-Kevin Augustin

Maxwell Cornet

The World Cup is drawing closer and closer (79 days!). With that in mind, we have devoted ourselves to a sociological effort: defining the different kinds of World Cup fans out there. 

The World Cup Favorites 

These fans are outright obnoxious.

Not many countries can honestly say they are serious candidates to win the World Cup. Fans from countries with an actual chance of winning the trophy exude confidence and often, arrogance. The only consolation the rest of us have is watching one of these nations fail.

Barcelona are constantly linked with big-name attackers and we are frankly sick of it. Whether Antoine Griezmann, to pull a name out of thin air, is going to join Barcelona will not be decided until the summer so why are we even talking about it right now? Because the bloodthirsty masses love their transfer rumors, and we must placate them with tasty transfer morsels lest they turn on us and devour us all.

So, we don't know who is going to join Barcelona this summer, but we do know who definitely isn't:

Gyasi Zardes

Kazuyoshi “King Kazu” Miura

Sergio Ramos

In American football, the infamous Gatorade shower can strike at any moment after a big game. However, in European football, this is far from the norm. After Tottenham Hotspur beat Manchester City in 2010 to qualify for their first ever Champions League, David Bently's antics cost him his career at Spurs.

Cristiano Ronaldo was in a bad way at the beginning of the season, with a suspension and some misfiring in front of goal helping to make many football fans think he might be just about washed up. But then Ronaldo turned things around, and has since reverted back into the fire-breathing, goal-scoring hair gel dragon we all know and have very strong opinions about.

How did he do it? By being Cristiano Ronaldo, of course.

The Nike Mercurial boots are designed for those who put the highest onus on explosive acceleration. They’re catered to the game’s speed merchants — think Cristiano Ronaldo or Theo Walcott. The Magistas, on the other hand, are for enhanced control and superior touch. They’re geared towards the midfield engines — like Arturo Vidal or Kevin De Bruyne. 

Do not watch this video if you are uncomfortable with children dying on camera.