Humor

Josef Martinez is too sexy for the Major League Soccer website. Martinez appeared in a Valentine's Day photo spread on MLSSoccer.com, and, really his photo was the only good one.

In every sport, there are rivalries that transcend all others — Yankees vs. Red Sox, Lakers vs. Celtics, Duke vs. UNC, North Korea vs. South Korea, Alabama vs. everyone outside of Tuscaloosa. For football purists, nothing beats the rivalry between Arsenal and Östersunds FK. Fortunately for soccer fans around the globe, the Europa League will bring us another thrilling chapter in the Arsenal vs. Ostersund rivalry on Thursday.

Valentine’s Day is a time for buying overpriced gifts, spending way too much money on a fancy dinner and pretending everything is just fine in your relationship for just one night. But no matter where you are in your relationship this Valentine’s Day, we have just the soccer GIFs for you.

Nothing matches the emotional highs and lows of love like soccer, whether it’s an unexpected winner or a devastating own goal. From embarrassing first dates to blossoming loves to heartbreaking divorce, there are soccer GIFs for everything you might come across in your love life. 

The Champions League returned with two matches on Tuesday, both featuring a team with a legitimate shot at winning the title and preventing Real Madrid from a historic three-peat. One might expect Cristiano Ronaldo and Los Blancos to be watching those matches to size up the competition, or at least spend the evening preparing for the big match against Paris Saint-Germain on Wednesday. 

Cristiano Ronaldo was doing none of those things. Instead, he was at home playing a game that looks like it was invented by a 6-year-old. 

It was a harmless tweet — maybe even a funny one. Before Chelsea’s Premier League match with West Brom on Monday, the Blues’ Twitter handle (@ChelseaFC) made a Star Wars joke centered around one of the space opera’s most lovable characters. But the Chelsea Twitter fans were having none of it.

Just to confirm, it's #CHEWBA tonight, not... pic.twitter.com/u8vctTuaez

Arsenal fans know all about catastrophic blunders in defense this year. From Granit Xhaka completely switching off to Petr Cech whiffing on a kick, the Gunners’ defensive frailty is terrifying — and that’s just the Swansea game. But Ayr United in Scotland has Arsenal beat for ineptitude at the back. This video is just under a minute long, but it’s 58 seconds of the worst football you’ll watch this year. 

Every footballer music video is bad. This makes sense. Footballers are not musicians, nor are they dancers. But still, the footballer music videos could be better. There is room for improvement. 

We think part of this is down to which footballers are making music videos and which footballers are not. No one cares what Jese has to say, no offense to Jese. However, these four footballers (well, one is a coach) would make excellent music videos, we think.

Roberto Firmino

Manchester City struggled to a 1-1 draw with Burnley on Saturday morning, missing a number of key players to injury. At least two of those players had much better weekends than their teammates at Turf Moor.

Cristiano Ronaldo is not one to let a branding opportunity pass him by, so it goes without saying he had some American football content ready to go for the Super Bowl.

Not bad for my first time playing football  pic.twitter.com/oAaLFOnMn8

— Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano) February 5, 2018

Sunday’s 1-1 draw between Newcastle United and Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park kept both teams rooted in the Premier League’s 10-team relegation scrap, and perhaps that was the motivation for this pitch invader’s attempt to literally drown his sorrows on the field. 

The man’s antics included pouring beer all over his face, going on a short jog before getting absolutely truck-sticked by a vigilant steward and then offering a flurry of wanker gestures and Bronx salutes while being escorted from the ground. What a day out.