Bayern Munich

After Bayern Munich crushed Werder Bremen 6-0 in the Bundesliga opener, it looks like this season will be more of the same in Germany. The trophy will probably stay at Allianz Arena for another year, and there isn't much any other club can do about it.

Do you guys wanna count to six? Let's count to six.

ONE.

Carlo Ancelotti has already accomplished something that Pep Guardiola was never able to do at Bayern Munich: win the German Super Cup. Guardiola was unsuccessful in three attempts, but Ancelotti has landed an early trophy in his Bayern reign by defeating their Der Klassiker rival Borussia Dortmund 2-0.

Second half goals from Arturo Vidal and Thomas Muller put an emphatic touch on a scoreline that was hardly representative of the game’s competitive nature.

It’s been over two years since Julian Green introduced himself on the largest of international stages with that fantastic goal against Belgium in the World Cup round of 16. Now, it finally looks as though he’s ready to progress at the club level with Bayern Munich.

33-year-old Franck Ribery is aiming to recapture the form that saw him named UEFA’s Best Player in Europe for 2012-13. The following three seasons for the Frenchman, all under Pep Guardiola, have seen his appearances and goalscoring totals dwindle.

Ribery was plagued by injuries last year, and he only managed to score two goals in 22 games for Bayern Munich. Ribery, who’d finished third in the 2013 FIFA Ballon d’Or voting, is desperate to get back to his brilliant best. 

I've been waiting for a long time for the right opportunity to write about how dope Philipp Lahm is, and I've finally found it.

New Bayern Munich manager Carlo Ancelotti has reportedly handed over disciplinary duties to his captain, which is a great decision. 

Lahm is roughly 5'7" and 145 lbs, so he's not a physically intimidating dude, but, man, can you imagine Lahm telling someone to do something and them not doing it? I can't.

In April of 2013, Mario Gotze became the most hated man in Dortmund after it was announced that Gotze, a product of Dortmund’s youth academy, would be transferring to fierce rivals Bayern Munich. 

The timing of the announcement did little to help Gotze’s cause — it emerged on the eve of a momentous Champions League semi-final against Real Madrid. Munich had met Gotze’s release clause of €37 million and the midfielder was keen to play under Pep Guardiola, much to the annoyance of then BVB manager Jurgen Klopp.

Thomas Muller is one of the most dangerous attacking players in the world. He's deceptive on the ball, tricky in the box and lethal on goal.

Which sounds weird, because Thomas Muller is the crazy uncle of international soccer. Thomas Muller is international soccer's crazy uncle because he behaves exactly like your crazy uncle.

Your crazy uncle isn't crazy, per se, but he's definitely a little . . . touched. He "marches to the beat of his own drummer", or whatever.