Cristiano Ronaldo

Maybe you read it over the weekend, maybe you stuck your head in the sand or maybe you just don’t want to join the record number of subscribers reading The Failing New York

If you win five Ballon d'Ors in your career, you get to customize the outside of an airplane with your various logos. I don't make the rules (yes I do, I make them up and then blog about them in hopes that you, the reader, will click and help keep me from having to get a real job).

Anyway, Cristiano Ronaldo won his fifth Ballon d'Or earlier this week, and celebrated by either getting on or getting off of an airplane adorned with his various logos. It was all very luxurious.

Despite finally ending his La Liga goal drought against Malaga on Saturday, Cristiano Ronaldo is having a no-good, very bad season so far in Spain. Luckily, Cristiano Jr. is here to pick up the slack.

Ronaldo posted a video on Instagram of his son hitting a sweet free kick in a youth game. Gosh, I wonder where he learned to do that?

You may remember previous iterations of Cristiano Ronaldo statues, including but not necessarily limited to the one that's really happy to see you and the one that may or may not be Frankenstein's monster. For all Cristiano's charms, he just can't seem to catch a break as far as getting a statue that actually looks like him. Until now.

Cristiano Ronaldo has long since transcended being a simple football player. His dominance on the pitch is matched only by his character off it, shilling everything from fleece blankets to camo underwear.