Men

Andrea Pirlo Didn't Invite Us To His Cookout And Now We're Sad

Andrea Pirlo, one of the most interesting men in the world, has had a cookout. We know this because he posted a picture of it on social media, and we are sad. Not sad that he had a cookout, but sad that we weren't invited.

Cristiano Ronaldo And Portugal Advance To The Euro 2016 Semi-Finals

Portugal have advanced past Poland to the semifinals of Euro 2-16 courtesy of Ricardo Quaresma’s match-winning penalty in a penalty shootout. 

The match finished 1-1 after 120 minutes of play. After an early goal by Robert Lewandowski in the 2nd minute, the second earliest in Euro history, it seemed like this game was going to be an electric affair. 

Zlatan Is Officially Moving To Manchester United

And here I thought today was going to be a slow news day. Zlatan Ibrahimovic announced Thursday his next destination will be Manchester United, where he will be reunited with his coach at Inter Milan, Jose Mourinho.

The move has been speculated for quite a while, basically since he announced he was leaving PSG, but Zlatan made it official Thursday on Instagram. Premier League center-backs are on notice.

Luis Suarez, Gerard Pique And Dani Alves Urge Messi To Rethink Retirement

Lionel Messi’s past and present Barcelona teammates have leapt to his defense following the Argentine’s shocking decision to retire from international football following Argentina’s defeat at the hand’s of Chile in the 2016 Copa America Centenario final.

This Harry Kane Free-Kick Compilation Will Make England Fans Very Angry

England were unceremoniously dumped out of Euro 2016 by a plucky, vastly underrated Iceland side, and now everyone in England is mad. They are mostly mad at Raheem Sterling (for no real good reason), but they are also mad at Harry Kane.

They are so mad someone made this very funny video of Harry Kane, who is a legitimately nice dude and doesn't deserve this, kicking set pieces in every direction except toward the goal.

The President Of Argentina Wants Messi Back In The National Team

If Lionel Messi was trying to make a political statement when he announced his retirement from the Argentina National Team, he got the attention of the man in whose direction such things are usually pointed: Argentina President Mauricio Macri.

Macri tweeted yesterday that he hopes the to watch La Pulga play for La Albiceleste "for years to come."

Diego Maradona Is A Gigantic Hypocrite

We're going to preface this article by saying this: Diego Maradona was a great player and is one of the legends of the game. Good, now that that's out of the way, Diego Maradona is a huge hypocrite.

The Copa America Centenario Was The Best Bad Tournament Of All Time

In many ways, the Copa America Centenario resembled an A-Plus B-movie; an event so bizarre that it couldn’t help but capture the imagination. 

From Brazil’s decision to essentially forfeit before the matches had even kicked off, to the final drama of Lionel Messi retiring from international football after missing a decisive penalty kick, the 2016 Copa America was camp to the extreme — it had a certain self-acknowledged theatricality.

Cristiano Ronaldo Wants You To Check Out His Legs

The fallout from Brexit and its implications for the United Kingdom. The widening divide between United States of America voters siding with either Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton. The global rise in refugee numbers and the humanitarian crises facing us all.

No matter. Cristiano Ronaldo just wants you to look at his legs. Just look at them, damn you! These legs are going to solve the world’s problems, one highly toned quadricep at a time. 

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