Manchester United

Psychic Cow Predicts Winner Of Tomorrow's Europa League Final

I know what you're thinking, we're all crazy for putting this much faith in a cow to predict the outcome of something people in Las Vegas often miss. But, Paul The Octopus predicted Germany winning the World Cup in 2014, so I have faith in this cow.

If You Think Man United Will Win The Europa League, Buy Some Of Its Stock

Mathematically eliminated from a top-four finish in the Premier League, Manchester United now know that they need to win the Europa League in order to qualify for next year's Champions League.

How To Build A Better Zlatan Robot

Stockholm

(At The ZlatanBot Factory)

Scientist: sir, the unit has broken down. A failure of the knee joint, apparently

Boss guy: Goddammit the warranty just expired

Other scientist: well, at least this will give us a chance to improve the unit

Zlatan: I am right here, and I can hear you. I am Zlatan, and I am already as close to perfect as can possibly exist

Scientist: well at least the hearing module still works

Other scientist: and the confidence module

Zlatan: Everything works I am Zlatan

Manchester United Survive Late Push From Celta Vigo To Advance To The Europa League Final

Celta de Vigo came agonizingly close to scoring a vital second away goal that would've seen them advance to the Europa League Final. In the sixth minute of extra time, striker John Guidetti mishit a bouncing cross from ten yards out, and United cleared the ball out of the box before hearing a long awaited final whistle. Any shot on goal would've beaten United keeper Sergio Romero, who was out of position defending against the last-minute surge from Celta.

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