England

Chelsea got their title defense back on track with a massive 2-1 victory over Tottenham in their temporary Wembley home on Sunday. Wing-back Marcos Alonso scored the first ever Premier League goal at Wembley with a sweetly struck free kick, and with a 1-1 draw looking likely, he swept forward to score the winner in the 88th. 

Alonso’s piece of brilliance in the 24th minute was the highlight of an enthralling opening 45 minutes between two of England’s best sides.  

With a 1-0 victory over Newcastle United, Huddersfield Town rose to second place in the Premier League table, sitting behind Manchester United on goal difference alone. We’re only two weeks into the season, but the Terriers are off to an almighty flyer in the top division.

German-American coach David Wagner and his squad are Invincibles.  

This week’s result isn’t as eye-catching as their 3-0 win over Crystal Palace, but Huddersfield looked exceptionally more qualified for life in the Premier League than fellow newcomers Newcastle.

Like Winston Churchill in the face of endless hordes of German bombers, Gorilla is England’s great hope against three German competitors in semifinals of the FIFA Interactive World Cup, which was apparently trying to reenact the Battle of Britain on Thursday in London. 

Despite a disconnection in the first leg of the Xbox One division final, Gorilla took a stunning 6-0 lead into Friday’s second leg against CodyDerFinisher of Germany. In the PlayStation 4 final, Deto leads TimoX 1-0 after the first leg in an all-German affair. 

Few teams have spent money during this offseason as wisely as Everton. Few teams will see transfers make a smaller effect than Everton. Like the popular vote in a U.S. presidential election, it just won’t matter. 

The Toffees turned the expected sale of Romelu Lukaku into a number of marquee signings, breaking the club transfer fee record a couple times. Everton set the record again with the signing of Iceland international Gylfi Sigurdsson on Wednesday. 

The fallout from Chelsea’s home defeat to Burnley to open their Premier League title campaign has been swift. In fact, you could say the situation had been pretty neatly summed up after the opening 43 minutes at Stamford Bridge. 

With Gary Cahill sent off, Burnley had shocked the world by cruising to a 3-0 lead behind a brace from Welsh striker Sam Vokes, a player more used to terrorizing Championship defenses than the reigning English champions.

There’s no sight in football quite like that of a marauding center half. These moments invariably begin with the blundering oaf picking his head up and trying to spot a midfielder or defensive partner to lay the ball off to. Seeing all these options closed down, he’ll realize that he’s got about 15 yards of open real estate in front of him and those gangly legs will start churning.

Gary Cahill, everybody!

Just 14 minutes into his first Premier League match as Chelsea's club captain, Gary Cahill paid a touching tribute to predecessor John Terry by being a dick and getting himself sent off.

Following Cahill's exit, Chelsea's defense bungled its way to a 3-0 halftime deficit to, uh, Burnley.

In first-half stoppage time of his first match back for Everton, Wayne Rooney reminded everyone that he's still pretty good.

ROOOOONNEYYYY for Everton! pic.twitter.com/uJJG4q7D0M

— NBC Sports Soccer (@NBCSportsSoccer) August 12, 2017