Champions League

Pepe Is The Dickhead We’d Send To Fight Mars’ Biggest Dickhead

Eyes bulging, brows knitted and limbs a collection of angular bludgeoning tools, Pepe came rumbling and tumbling toward Raheem Sterling in the back of the area after nearly committing a series of fouls with only one thing on his mind: to successfully commit a foul this time.

If there was an ounce of embellishment on Sterling’s part it was only in that he immediately recognized Pepe’s cruel intentions and tried to save himself. 

One Brilliant Defensive Play Turned A Tight Battle Into A Bayern Blowout Of Atleti

MUNICH, Germany — Winger Kingsley Coman scored twice and set up another goal as holders Bayern Munich crushed Atletico Madrid 4-0 in the Champions League Group A opener on Wednesday to stretch their winning run in the competition to 12 games.

The France international put the hosts ahead with a fine effort in the 28th minute and then set up Leon Goretzka to fire in their second in the 41st.

Real Madrid Utterly Embarrassed In Stunning Defeat To Shakhtar

MADRID — Shakhtar Donetsk pulled off a shock 3-2 win away to 13-times winners Real Madrid in their Champions League Group B opener on Wednesday, despite the Ukrainian side missing 10 players due to injuries and COVID-19.

Manor Solomon Ends Casemiro During Shakhtar’s 3-Goal First-Half Blitz Of Real Madrid

It’s not the Santiago Bernabéu, but nobody goes to the home of Real Madrid (temporarily Estadio Alfredo Di Stefano) and puts three past the 13-time European champions INSIDE 42 MINUTES!

After losing 1-0 to Cádiz last Saturday, many predicted a performance of pure vengeance from Los Blancos in the Champions League — a feeling that was amplified by the fact that Shakhtar’s starting lineup was rocked by a combination of injury and illness, including a positive coronavirus test for star forward Júnior Moraes.

Man Utd Much More Subdued After Knocking Off PSG With Stellar Showing

PARIS — Manchester United triumphed at Paris St Germain again, but Tuesday's Champions League victory was not as euphoric as the previous one, according to coach Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.

United's previous trip to Paris in 2019 ended with Marcus Rashford scoring an injury-time penalty that secured qualification for the quarter-finals on away goals, while Tuesday's 2-1 win was just a stepping stone in Group H.

Messi Sets Another Incredible Champions League Record As Barça Cruises To 5-1 Win

BARCELONA — Lionel Messi became the first player to score in 16 consecutive Champions League seasons as he guided 10-man Barcelona to a 5-1 victory over Hungarian side Ferencvaros in their Group G opener at the Camp Nou on Tuesday.

Messi netted from the penalty spot in the first half for his 116th career goal in the competition, before the lively Ansu Fati added a second.

Angeliño Goes Full Roberto Carlos With Two Stunning Strikes

LEIPZIG, Germany — Midfielder Angelino struck twice in four minutes to give RB Leipzig a 2-0 victory over Istanbul Basaksehir on Tuesday and help them to make a winning start in the Champions League group stage.

Leipzig, last season's surprise semi-finalists who are unbeaten in all competitions so far this season, went in search of a quick goal and after a few early chances Angelino put them in the driving seat in the 16th minute.

CBS’s Champions League Coverage Was A Shocking Mess (But I Kinda Loved It)

I’ve been watching the Champions League on U.S. television for more than 20 years and I’ve never seen anything quite like what CBS put on display on Tuesday, the first match day of the 2020-21 campaign. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. One thing’s for sure: CBS tried to steal one of Univision’s best ideas and it might prove to be an inspired decision in the long run at the risk of alienating the most hardcore fans.

2018’s Best Footballers Are Being Dropped, Dragged And Damned

Imagine, for a minute, that you've been in one long sleep since the summer of 2018. You wake up, think about all the plot holes in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, listen to the yodeling Walmart kid and then see it’s Tuesday, October 20th, 2020.

“Holy shit!” you scream. “It’s Tuesday — the Champions League is on!”

With memories of the 2017-18 season and the Russia World Cup dancing through your head, you start by turning on Juventus vs. Dynamo Kyiv. 

Club Brugge Rallies Around Horvath After Freak Own Goal, Wins It Late For The American

SAINT PETERSBURG, Russia — Club Brugge made a perfect start to their Champions League Group F campaign after a stoppage time goal by Charles De Ketelaere gave them a 2-1 win at Zenit St Petersburg on Tuesday.

After a drab first half, Emmanuel Bonaventure fired the visitors ahead in the 63rd minute when he swept in a rebound from two metres after Yaroslav Rakitskyy twice cleared close-range efforts by De Ketelaere off the line.

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