Newcastle United fans have just received the mother of all late Christmas presents: Alan Pardew has officially left the club, and they’ve received £2m in compensation to boot. Their benefactors? Crystal Palace, who’ve hired Pardew to replace Neil Warnock, sacked on Saturday.
Pardew has long been a much maligned figure within the North East, despite Newcastle’s recent upturn in form: fully 70% of respondents to a poll conducted by the Newcastle Chronicle yesterday wanted rid of him, while social media is predictably awash with ebullient Geordies following the formal announcement of his departure. Our personal favorite reaction:
And it’s easy enough to understand why: Pardew is an eminently dickish and unlikeable figure who, during his Newcastle tenure, became the first manager to: 1) Lead the Magpies to six consecutive Premier League losses, 2) Lose four Tyne & Wear derbies in a row, 3) Headbutt an opposing player, 4) Call a fellow manager a “fucking old cunt,” and 5) Blame his team’s various defeats on everything from the length of the grass to the Notting Hill Carnival (typically prefaced with the words “I’m not making excuses, but…”).
It was long thought during the dark days of 2014 – a calendar year in which Newcastle have won just 12 of 38 Premier League games played – that Pardew was untouchable thanks to the gargantuan 8-year contract extension Mike Ashley gave him two years ago, and the hefty payoff – estimated between £5m and £10m – he’d be due if sacked. Nobody at St James’ Park ever thought another club would pay them to take Pardew off their hands.
So what has Crystal Palace’s £2m bought them? Presumably a man with a proven track record of turning round sinking ships who can demonstrate compelling, recent evidence of finishing a season strongly, right? Let's let the evidence speak for itself:
Exhibit A: On Christmas Eve 2006, Pardew was appointed as the man to turn around Charlton Athletic’s fortunes, then languishing in 19th place. With Pards at the helm, they finished…19th and were relegated.
Exhibit B: On December 6th 2010, Pardew was brought in by Mike Ashley to improve Newcastle’s league position, with the Magpies sat in 12th place. With Pardew The Fixer on board, they finished…12th.
Exhibit C:Halfway through last season, Newcastle were 8th with 33 points; they picked up just 16 from their remaining 19 games.
Money well spent.
Of course, we’re being just a shade glib. In 2006, Pardew led West Ham to the final of the FA Cup. In 2012, he led Newcastle into Europe for the first time in 5 years, and was named both Premier League Manager of the Year and LMA Manager of the Year. Pardew is a former Crystal Palace player who was born and raised in South London and will feel considerably more at home at Selhurst Park than he ever did in the North East. He may not be the most likeable of characters, but he is by no means the worst manager in the history of the Premier League (that’s Dave Bassett, in case you were wondering).
Nor should Newcastle fans be too jubilant: they don’t yet know which cut-price manager Ashley will choose to replace Pardew with. After all, not so long ago he appointed Joe Kinnear as Director of Football, a man who was an anachronism 25 years ago and, despite his sole responsibility being the acquisition and sale of players, failed to do a single piece of business during two consecutive transfer windows.
No, there’s only one sure-fire winner of this Christmas managerial pantomime, and that’s Ashley. He’s extricated himself from a costly, long-term contract with a manager widely hated by his paying public, earning £2m in the process.
And all from the comfort of a sun-lounger in the Caribbean.
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