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Marcus Rashford Waited 13.8 Billion Years Before Firing Home Winner For Man U

Rashford took his sweet time to save Manchester United with a late winner against Bournemouth.

Manchester United’s Marcus Rashford saw the entire history of the universe pass by as he waited to take his chance against Bournemouth on Saturday. 

When Paul Pogba danced around on the left wing to send in a cross to Rashford in the 92nd minute, the universe had yet to be created. 

As Rashford sized up the cross and hung in the air, the Big Bang exploded the universe into being and gravity, strong, weak and electromagnetic interactions hadn’t even formed 13.8 billion years ago.

As Rashford brought the ball down with his groin, the Milky Way formed 12.6 billion years ago.

As Rashford let the ball bounce once, the Sun formed 4.57 billion years ago.

As Rashford let the ball bounce a second time, the Earth formed 4.56 billion years ago.

As Adam Smith failed to kick the ball away, barely connecting with his attempted clearance, life formed on Earth, about 4 billion years ago.

As Rashford decided to shoot, the first member of the Homo genus appeared, 2.2 million years ago. 

And finally, when Rashford finally put the ball into the back of the net, human civilization appeared in a blink of the cosmic universe.

And it was good (for Man U fans; Bournemouth fans are reserving judgment on the whole human civilization thing).

Jose Mourinho is no Neil deGrasse Tyson, but he’ll enjoy the cosmic eternity it took Rashford to score Manchester United’s 92nd-minute winner against Bournemouth on Saturday, as the 2-1 victory at Vitality Stadium will take a little pressure off the embattled coach

Callum Wilson gave Bournemouth the lead in the 11th minute only for it to be canceled out by Anthony Martial’s finish in the 35th. 

Both goals took place before the formation of the known universe, the time it took for the Marcus Rashford goal vs Bournemouth. 

(For a great infographic on the history of the universe, check this out from HalcyonMaps.com.)

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