Men

Lionel Messi helped Barcelona defeat Valencia at La Mestalla on Saturday, as he cooly converted a 94th minute penalty to give Barca the 3-2 win. He also happened to lose his damn mind after Valencia fans struck Neymar with a bottle.

The match was tied at 2-2 as the minutes bled away, and it seemed destined to end as a draw. Thankfully for Barcelona, Valencia defender Aymen Abdennour was in a charitable sort of mood as he hacked down Luis Suarez in the 92nd minute to concede a penalty.

Seriously, who really thinks Pep Guardiola is deserving of criticism? Though confident going into their achampions League clash with Barcelona, who really expected the Citizens to win away at Camp Nou when they went down to ten men? 

Though he is seemingly constantly criticized, Guardiola has constantly put up result after result throughout his career, and expressed that to reporters:

Pep's response to criticism of his style of play: "I've won 21 trophies in 7 years. Sorry, guys."

Barcelona fans, it's going to be OK. Neymar signed a new contract, keeping him (theoretically) in blue and red at least until 2021, or until Manchester United prepare that mega-bid we;ve all been hearing so much about.

In a news conference following Monday’s tie with Liverpool, in preparation for their thursday night Europa League match, Mourinho made it clear to reporters that Manchester United have no “untouchables”. He contrasted it to his time at Chelsea, where in 2006 Moutinho described his squad as having nine players that would not be dropped.

Lionel Messi and his Barcelona teammates, including Gerard Pique and Ivan Rakitic, took a moment to read tweets about themselves in an ad campaign for the new 2017 Audi Q2. Fortunately for the Barca players, this was nothing like Jimmy Kimmel’s “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” segment.

The players read tweets containing strange tags that ultimately praised them as footballers and individuals. The highlight of the two-minute video is watching Messi awkwardly praise himself.

It's clear to anyone watching that while still very good, Cristiano Ronaldo is on the physical decline. Questions have arisen surrounding his ability to remain effective while not being the team’s centerpiece. He is still clearly very capable, but his ineffeciency is indicative of a man not quite ready to accept his new role. 

Ludogorets Razgrad travelled to London to face Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium, and no one believed the side from Bulgaria would emerge with a result. Even English pubs forsook trying to entice patrons as there was simply nothing to see here.

@borussia_en ludogorets feel your pain pic.twitter.com/aDw7veNiDS