Men

Bastian Schweinsteiger Is The Banter King Of Chicago

When Argentine Chicago Fire forward Luis (Lucho) Solignac left his phone unlocked, his new teammate Bastian Schweinsteiger knew just what to do with it: remind the Argentine, and his followers, who won the World Cup in 2014.

It was Germany. Germany won the World Cup in 2014. Bastian Schweinsteiger played in that game. Lucho Solignac didn't but you can imagine he had a rooting interest just the same.

Messi Scores An Absurd Brace To Keep Pressure On Real Madrid

A horrid back-pass allowed Barcelona's Lionel Messi to sprint through on Osasuna’s goal in the 12th minute of Wednesday's La Liga encounter. As for the goal, I don’t even know. Messi’s first touch is with his head, he then juggles the ball to keep it elevated and then pops it over Salvatore Sirigu with his third touch. 

It’s absurd.

Landon Donovan Is Going To Make Swansea America’s Team, Like The Cowboys

Every club that’s had an extended run in the Premier League is a perfect example for the transitive property (If a=b and b=c, then a=c) that affects modern football: 

Cristiano Ronaldo's Son Hits Free Kicks Just Like Dad

Given Cristiano Ronaldo Jr's father is one of the best footballers in the world — and, indeed, of all time — we should not be remotely surprised at the content of this video.

Cuauhtemoc Blanco Is Accused Of Ordering An Assassination

Cuauhtemoc Blanco has not had a good April. The Club America and Mexico National Team legend, anc current Mayor of Cuernavaca, Mexico, was named by a man who shot and a prominent Mexican businessman as one of the people who ordered the assassination. Blanco, who so far has no discernable motive for the crime, says he is being framed by the governor of the Morelos state, who he is obviously not on good terms with.

Blanco has talked about running for governor in the future.

Zlatan Is In The U.S. To Meet With A Renowned Orthopedic Surgeon

Less than a week after suffering a torn ACL and possible damage to his PCL, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is scheduled to visit Dr. Freddie Fu at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. Dr. Fu is well known for pioneering the double bundle technique to repair ACL tears, the method that most effectively restores natural knee movement patterns.

MLS Deserves A Lot Of The Blame For Tim Howard's Suspension

Fans yelling at players, making obscene gestures and just being overall ridiculous in the stands...it's all a part of the culture of professional sports. It's the jelly to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and it's just something that professionals and spectators have to accept.

Messi Becomes First Player In Nearly 40 Years To Hit 500 Goals For One Club

Lionel Messi scored his 500th goal for Barcelona in style, catapulting Barca back into La Liga's title race at the expense of their greatest rivals, Real Madrid. His historic feat is all the more impressive considering that Gerd Muller of Bayern Munich was the last player to score 500 goals for one club. He left Bayern in 1979. 

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