Humor

You’ll Cringe At These Soccer Clubs Joking About Having 280 Twitter Characters

Tuesday marked the beginning of a new era, with Twitter doubling the character count for most Western-language users. (Japanese, Korean and Chinese users will stay at 140 because their languages convey more per character.) There were countless bad jokes across the globe as everyone felt compelled to tweet about the fact they had something that everyone else had. 

This Hungarian Player Is The Champion Of Entering Stadiums

(mandatory musical accompaniment to this post)

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get down to that soccer field in the silliest way imaginable. You must draw as much attention to yourself as possible. Be noticed by everyone. Make sure you do not do anything that a normal human would do. Do what a bored teenager would do in this situation. Avant garde stadium entering.

Good luck.

This Howler In The Qatari League Cup Shows Why Patience Is A Virtue

Patience is a virtue. Good things come to those who wait. These are two pieces of generally-accepted wisdom that in most situations can improve peoples' lives. 

However, these two pieces of wisdom are not always adhered to because I WANT THAT THING AND I WANT IT RIGHT NOW. NOW NOW NOW.

Usually, upon reflection, a person who ignores the wisdom of waiting in order to TRY AND GET A THING RIGHT NOW is proved to have been foolish, and that person wishes they had been patient. This goalkeeper in the Qatari League Cup is one of those people.

Has Anyone Else Noticed The Weird Timer On Fox Sports’ Bundesliga Coverage?

Soccer is the beautiful game and the most popular sport in the world. We know you like it because you’re reading about it right now. But there’s one thing missing from soccer that is ever present in most team sports: a clock counting down to the end of a match. 

Jozy Altidore Sets Internet On Fire With Tweet To Sacha Kljestan

Surely you have already heard about Jozy Altidore and Sacha Kljestan's, uh, "incident" Sunday in the MLS Cup playoffs, in which both players were sent off at halftime for fighting in the tunnel, but DID YOU SEE THE TWEET?

This Double Nutmeg Is The Stuff Defenders' Nightmares Are Made Of

What would you do if you were this forward? Would you quit soccer forever, knowing you would never do anything as cool as this? Would you call FIFA and demand a FIFA #TheBest Award for what you just did? Would you run back to the two defenders you just roasted and give them a look like "yeah you know what time it is"? Would you be a good sport? A bad sport? Would you freak out? Would you remain as stoic as a statue?

I would do all of those things.

Mainz's Goalkeeper Forgot The Ball

Look, we all have those days. Those days when nothing goes right. Those days when our heads, for whatever reasons, are just not in it. They are elsewhere, in the clouds perhaps. Mainz goalkeeper Robin Zentner had one of those days Saturday when he went to kick the ball and found that OH NO THE BALL IS NOT THERE.

Somehow, via some kind of witchcraft and/or sorcery, Borussia Monchengladbach did not score on this play, so Zentner was (sort of) vindicated.

Bur goodness, y'all.

Alexis Sanchez Got The Christmas Decorations Out Early For His Dogs

We all know someone like this: the person who gets the Christmas decorations out the day after Halloween, as if Thanksgiving (A FAR SUPERIOR HOLIDAY TO CHRISTMAS, DON'T @ ME) doesn't even exist.

This Video Of A Man Warming Up Next To The Field Will Make You Believe In Yourself

Hey.

I'm here to tell you something. Something important.

Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't do something. There is nothing you can't do.

You can do anything you set your mind to, is what I'm saying.

If you can dream it, you can do it. If you believe, you can achieve.

Just ask this guy.

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