Humor

Everyone ages. Aging is a necessary consequence of being alive, and should be accepted. That said, entire industries are propped up by folks looking to avoid aging. Footballers, with their combination of being rich, in the public eye all the time and having so many people fawn over them they inevitably become vain, are some of the most common indulgers in these industries.

Neither Burkina Faso nor Cape Verde Islands had a chance of qualifying for Russia 2018 after Senegal wrapped up their group earlier this international break, so their World Cup qualifier Tuesday was really more of a glorified friendly. That's a good thing for Cape Verde's goalkeeper, who produced a pretty interesting howler in first half extra time to give Burkina Faso their first of four goals.

Sweden National Team manager Janne Andersson would like all of you to know that there is NO WAY Sweden's all-time goalscorer and all-around entertainment generator Zlatan Ibrahimovic is going to play for Sweden at the World Cup, which they just qualified for, much to the chagrin of Italy. So just get that out of your heads. Zlatan, the man who once said "a World Cup without me is nothing to watch" is not going to play in the World Cup. He is retired from international football and currently rehabbing an awful knee injury. IT IS NOT HAPPENING.

Patrice Evra has a lot of downtime now that he's not playing soccer professionally for anyone. Evra was released by Marseille after assaulting a fan prior to a Europa League contest. He was also handed a ban from European continental competitions.

During pre-season in 2015, Real Madrid and AC Milan played a friendly and Milan striker Alessandro Matri made a substitute appearance. Sort of.

What a performance from Matri against Real Madrid today. pic.twitter.com/W5fTiHyD0i

— Football Tweets (@FutballTweets) July 30, 2015

What's that, in the distance? The wind has shifted. Something smells different. There's a barely perceptible hum in the air. Yes, just barely perceptible, but it's there, no doubt about it. We can feel it in our bones. Something is on the horizon, something big. Something beyond our wildest imaginations.