Humor

The USMNT grabbed a point in Kingston, Jamaica, on Tuesday after a tame performance and 1-1 draw in World Cup qualifying against the Reggae Boyz. The real defeat of the day happened to anyone watching the game on Paramount+ that was forced to listen to 90 minutes of horns.

The Jamaica horns from the few hundred fans in attendance were relentless. A limited number of spectators were allowed into National Stadium Independence Park due to Covid protocols. 

United States' Christian Pulisic was on target in Friday's 2-0 win over Mexico, but it was the message scrawled on his T-shirt that made headlines as the winger responded to a pre-match jibe from their North American arch rivals with one of his own.

Second-half substitute Pulisic headed home a cross within five minutes of coming on, while Weston McKennie scored another as a young U.S. team moved to the top  of the World Cup qualifying CONCACAF standings.

Canada tested out its home-field advantage in Edmonton on Friday and it worked wonders. Over 48,000 fans packed into Commonwealth Stadium to watch Canada defeat Costa Rica 1-0. They also got a bonus show of a Canada streaker getting hit sticked into the advertisement board.

England defender Harry Maguire defended his goal celebration during Friday's World Cup qualifying victory over Albania which former players described as over the top and unnecessary following his poor performances for Manchester United.

England thrashed Albania 5-0 to all but qualify for the World Cup after Maguire opened the scoring with a ninth-minute header, celebrating with a knee slide while putting his fingers to his ears as if to shut out his critics.

Reece James to Harry Maguire!

Santos defeated Red Bull Bragantino 2-0 in Brazil’s top flight on Wednesday for an upset victory. Santos scored its second goal in the final minute of the game from the penalty spot. The call for the penalty came after an immaculate Marinho flop.

Marinho Flop Vs. Bragantino

Abby Wambach has been away from professional sports for more than half a decade now, but she’s still a better athlete than anyone reading this, and yes, that includes you, person who thinks they’re better than everyone at everything. On Sunday, Wambach participated in her first marathon, completing the New York City Marathon in impressive time as her wife hilariously supported her, even if she didn’t quite record the fastest time from a former USWNT star. 

Watching an entirely unhealthy amount of soccer this weekend, I realized there’s an unexplored frontier of goal celebrations that the rule makers are yet to crack down on — the act of putting a cap on one’s head and acting a fool. 

After a remarkable Decision Day that ended with Colorado atop the Western Conference and Salt Lake in the postseason at the expense of the LA Galaxy, it’s time to begin our countdown to the Cup final on Dec. 11 with some MLS playoff predictions.

Thankfully, this season’s action begins after the November international break so there’ll be no awkward space between the first round on Nov. 20 and the conference semifinals on Thanksgiving.