England

England are looking for a new national team manager, and word on the street* is Donald Trump is interested in the job. we've gotten hold of Trump's letter to the FA** volunteering his services. Here it is in its entirety:

DEAR FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION NERDS,

I, DONALD TRUMP, WITH MY GIANT HANDS WITH NON-SAUSAGE-ESQUE FINGERS AM GOING TO BE THE NEXT MANAGER OF THE THREE LIONS, AND WHEN I GET THE JOB WE WILL WIN SO HARD YOUR WRINKLY ENGLISH FACES WILL FALL OFF.

This past Monday marked another disappointing loss for the England National Football Team as they fell to Iceland in the round of 16 in UEFA Euro 2016.  For fans of England soccer, this is going to be a hard pill to swallow for years to come. However, when you look at the recent history of the club, it may be time to lower expectations a bit. Perhaps England's so-called "early exits" aren't as disappointing or unexpected as fans make them seem. 

Noted yelling person Jamie Carragher (among others) roundly criticized the England National Team for being "too soft" after the Three Lions were sent back to their den by the likes of Iceland.

The loss was enough to make manager Roy Hodgson quit the team right then and there, leaving England in need of a coach. 

The next england manager will need to be tough. He will need to make sure they players aren't soft like Jamie Carragher (and others) says. He will need to be a bad a** mother who doesn't take nothing off of nobody.

That man is Eric Cantona.

England were unceremoniously dumped out of Euro 2016 by a plucky, vastly underrated Iceland side, and now everyone in England is mad. They are mostly mad at Raheem Sterling (for no real good reason), but they are also mad at Harry Kane.

They are so mad someone made this very funny video of Harry Kane, who is a legitimately nice dude and doesn't deserve this, kicking set pieces in every direction except toward the goal.

ICELAND.

For those of you making Game of Thrones "winter is coming" jokes, you are well intentioned — and we appreciate your intentions — but you are off base.

Winter is here, y'all.

Yes, Iceland, little Iceland, beat England, 2-1. Surely you know the statistics by now: 325,000 population, eight percent of which has shown up in France for Euro 2016.

When Arsenal triggered Jamie Vardy’s £20 million release clause on June 3, it was easy to envision the beginning of the end for the Leicester City fairytale. 

They’d just won the Premier League title, something Arsenal haven’t managed for 12 years, and qualified for the 2016-17 Champions League, but surely the uncertainty surrounding Leicester’s ability to do it all again come August could’ve majorly influenced Vardy. 

Fans of uninteresting 0-0 draws must have been delighted at Slovakia vs. England Monday, because it set the standard for uninteresting 0-0 draws. Slovakia fans also probably enjoyed it, because the result means the Slovaks are likely through to the knockout stage.

Unbiased observers (really, if you're an unbiased observer, why would you watch this game?) took naps, while England fans and Martin Skrtel haters — a lot of overlap in that group — were not thrilled about the game.

Sometimes, when two countries with such rich, intertwined histories as England and Wales compete on the biggest stages in sports, feels are felt. One sad Wales fan was caught on camera during Wales's crushing loss to England and he was feeling some serious feels.

He was feeling all the feels.

It was all so close to going gloriously, pathetically, predictably wrong for England. They put in a first half against Wales that was reminiscent of everything that England had ever done wrong in the past: there was talent on the field, more talent than the opposition, but England not only couldn’t get ahead, they found themselves behind. When Gareth Bale sent in his deep, deep free-kick past Joe hart, who maybe should have done better, it seemed like history was doomed to repeat itself.