I wrote a poem about Miguel Herrera for Christmas. Here it is:
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, except for The Louse;
The plates were put out in the kitchen with care,
And piled with traditional Mexican fare;
Club Tijuana's players were snug in their beds,
While visions of La Clausura danced in their heads;
With a big red suit and a puffy red hat,
Miguel Herrera is Santa Claus — I'll just leave it at that;
He goes house to house giving presents that matter,
And eating the burritos we left on a platter;
His sleigh lands on the roof with an enormous crash,
He hops out with a sack, and proceeds to dash;
To the chimney with the presents in tow,
With hopes that the chimney isn't too narrow;
Although there are rules to which he must adhere,
Before distributing presents he snags a quick beer;
Some kids recieve coal, an abominable trick,
They weren't on the naughty list, he's just being a d*ck;
Back out to his reindeer, he's heard to exlcaim,
The name of each one, he calls them by name;
"Now Hector! Now Chicha! Now Andres and Memo!
On, Vela! On, Layun! On Marquez and Temo!
To the top of the group, to the Gold Cup title,
Maintaining our CONCACAF success is vital!"
After coaching El Tri with style and grace,
It's too bad that he punched a dude in the face;
It was quite a sad day when they announced he was through,
A less meme-able world for both me and you;
But just as it looked like he couldn't get back on track,
Tijuana hired him. Herrera is back;
It's nice for soccer fans that we have him around,
And being Santa in the offseason is delightful, he's found;
He dresses in red, from his head to his foot,
It's the color of Santa, and Los Xolos to boot;
The hopes of a country he carried on his back,
And threw it all in the garbage with an airport attack;
His eyes — how they twinkle! His two chins, so merry!
His goal reactions are, we would say, legendary!
His hair is a mop, his tie is askew,
He looks like Bartolo Colon, between me and you;
When he celebrates a goal, he lights up the world,
With his passion unrestrained, his freak flag unfurled;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly;
(Those last two lines are from the original "The Night Before Christmas," but they describe Miguel perfectly so we're keeping them.)
He was chubby and plump, a righ jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
(OK, those too.)
Los Xolos aren't great, but they can get better,
Their new manager is quite the trendsetter;
He just needs some time, some energy too,
And a group that can play in a 5-3-2;
We look forward to seeing him in Liga MX,
With his little short arms, like a Tyrannasaurus Rex;
When he sees this poem, he's probably say,
"Feliz navidad, y viva El Xolaje."
Merry Christmas everyone, from your friends at The18.com
Contact The18 Staff Writer Sam Klomhaus at Klomhaus@the18.com or follow him on Twitter @SamKlomhaus
