WTF

Remember when Daft Punk released their magnum opus Random Access Memories in 2013, heralded with a genius marketing campaign combining new school strategy and old school nostalgia? By slowly teasing the album’s release, the electronic masters created a buzz that engulfed social media. 

It has been three years since those seminal moments in the music industry, but we appear to be on the verge of another musical zeitgeist. The sound of 2016 is going to be provided by none other than Neymar, his aptly titled #Neymusico already causing a Twitterstorm.

Alright, who’s ready to feel sick and ill at the same time? You? Let’s go. FIFA is cleaning up its act. FIFA is getting its s*** together. That’s hard work — they were mired in metaphorical defecation up to the neck following the reign of corruption’s Sepp Blatter. It’s such a grind piecing together the fallen remnants of football’s global governing body that newly elected FIFA president Gianni Infantino will receive $1.52 million, a car, housing and a monthly expense limit of $2,025 for his troubles.

Everyone’s got a soft spot in their heart for AS Roma, apart from Lazio supporters of course. The club represents the Eternal City, the Italian capital with a history spanning more than two and a half thousand years. Its standing as one of the birthplaces of Western civilization makes anyone’s three-day visit turn into conversational fodder for the rest of their lifetime.

As far as debuts go, this is about as bad as it can get. We’re sure Jeremy Menez would’ve rather been sent off or scored an own goal in his Bordeaux bow, but he’s lost an ear. 

The 29-year-old transferred from AC Milan to Bordeaux, in his native France, and made his debut for the club against Lorient. Lorient midfielder Didier Ndong promptly asserted himself as the Mike Tyson to Menez’s Evander Holyfield, stepping on his head and tearing his ear off.

This is not a pretty sight.

The Nigerian men’s soccer team has been training for the Olympic tournament in Atlanta for the last month. Now, with less than 36 hours before their first match against Japan in Manaus, the Nigerian team remains in their Atlanta hotel.

According to the BBC, an unpaid flight bill resulted in the airline refusing to take the team to Brazil.

AS Roma’s preseason has gotten off to a flyer after they comprehensively defeated Italian semi-pro side AC Pinzolo 16-0. Edin Dzeko, Mohamed Salah, Diego Perotti and Juan Iturbe were among those who got in on the scoring action.

If you didn’t score in this match, AS Roma have most likely put you up for sale in the transfer window. Seriously though, it’s not often that you see a 16-0 scoreline pop up on your Twitter feed. Sixteen!

There's been a lot of talk about firework safety lately, what with the Fourth of July happening, and all this talk about firework safety reminded us of the time Mario Balotelli did not heed the rules of firework safety and shot some fireworks off in his bathroom and lit his house on fire.

Really.

From The Guardian:

We have discovered our new favorite game, velcro soccer darts played with a giant inflatable soccer dart board. Also known as foot darts.

We will stop at nothing to procure one of these bad boys. Nothing.

In the biggest story to come out of European football this summer, a Swedish defender was sent off while playing in a ninth-tier match for farting near the opposition striker. 

According to The Guardian, Adam Lindin Ljungkvist, the left-back for Jarna SK’s reserve team, was shown a second yellow card for “deliberate provocation” and “unsportsmanlike behavior” after farting in the general direction of opposition striker Kristoffer Linde.

English fans and Russian fans keep fighting at Euro 2016, and that's a problem. But the Euro violence is not as much of a problem as one bloodthirsty Russian politician reportedly thinks.

Before the quote, a disclaimer: certainly, not all Russians. But, equally as certainly, some Russians. Like this one.

Russian Football Union board member told me he won't condemn Russian fans, argues French should have put tanks on the streets in Marseille.