Tricks

If you ever find yourself, as a defender, in a situation in which Jessica Silva has the ball somewhere in the vicinity of the corner flag and you are standing between her and the goal, just give up. Accept that she is going to humiliate you and get on with your life. Move into a cabin in the woods and meditate. Live off the land. Develop a hobby like woodworking. No one can nutmeg you when you're woodworking.

Silva, though, will nutmeg you. She will nutmeg you to death. Here is proof, via Portugal's 2019 World Cup qualifier against Belgium:

Behold, the most nonchalant double nutmeg of all-time. Like a video game hero encountering the first two nameless henchmen on level one, our beloved mad lad wastes these two opponents before they fade off our screen entirely.

All that’s left is our gallant No. 9, who looks like he could either kill you with subtle skills (as below) or just “Gonzalo Higuain Truck You” into the afterlife. He’s built like the nameless beast of AMC’s The Terror. He’s the thing that eats on two legs and four. The thing made of muscles and spells.

A few days ago, Mexico manager Juan Carlos Osorio was lamenting Croatia’s decision to send Luka Modric and Marcelo Brozovic back to Europe ahead of the two nations’ meeting on Tuesday night. Osorio was looking forward to playing one of Europe's most talented midfields, and the loss of those two exceptional talents appeared to have dumbed down the excercise.  

There is a massive divide in how different generations have come to view and use the video-sharing network known as YouTube. I’m an old man geezer kind of content boy, and when I first learned that people were using YouTube to do things besides watch Ronaldinho highlights, I stared off into space for 17 straight hours and whispered the word “vlogger” until my temporal lobes exploded in a cacophony of new age understanding.