Tricks

Remember When Juve Manager Andrea Pirlo Snatched Cristiano Ronaldo’s Soul?

Following Zinedine Zidane’s success at Real Madrid, the appointment of the legendary cerebral midfielder has become the status quo at Europe’s super clubs: Plucky underdogs Chelsea turned to Frank Lampard, Barcelona recently gave Xavi the eyes and Juventus — moments after dismissing manager’s manager Maurizio Sarri — turned to the enigmatic merlot that is Andrea Pirlo.

Seal-Dribbling Madman Spotted In Belarus

Back in the days of FIFA Street, you used to have to string together tricks and skills to fill a combo bar which unleashed the GameBreaker — an action that would allow you to score from essentially anywhere, usually by way of scissor kick. 

If this feature were somehow ported into real life, performing the seal dribble would instantly charge that GameBreaker to max capacity. Across the spectrum of sport, I know of no form of self-expression that’s as needless, as brazen and as semiaquatic marine mammal-inspired as the seal dribble.

Brilliant Karim Benzema Back-Heel Assist Moves Real Two Points Clear Of Barcelona

Real Madrid's Karim Benzema produced an audacious back-heeled assist for Casemiro to score as they beat Espanyol 1-0 away on Sunday to capitalize on Barcelona's slip-up a day earlier and move two points clear at the top of LaLiga.

Brazilian midfielder Casemiro slid to the ground to guide the ball home on the stroke of halftime after being played in by a stroke of genius from Benzema, who dragged the ball through the legs of the defender marking him to find his team mate.

Olivier Giroud’s Practice-Stopping Nutmeg Is The Best Football Content In Months

If you thought Frank Lampard’s youth revolution and a coronavirus financial hit of $3 billion would keep Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich away from the transfer market, he’s still got around $14 billion reasons to buy every Bundesliga player you’ve ever heard of.

The biggest Abramovich transfer rumor this past week was whispers of the 53-year-old purchasing Edvard Munch’s The Scream at an auction for $121 million, but that gossip has been quashed by an Abramovich spokesperson. 

Messi Just Doing Messi Things In Training

As the world begins to go back to some sort of normalcy, the football world is also making a slow return. Clubs have started to return to training and all the players have clearly not taken their foot off the gas during quarantine — especially the one and only Lionel Messi.

FC Barcelona is back to training and oh how I’ve missed Messi leaving the world speechless with his insane talent. 

Further Proof That Bayern Munich’s Thiago Alcântara Is A Warlock

With the Bundesliga taking center stage around the planet this past weekend, millions tuned in on Sunday to watch league-leader Bayern Munich go through the paces in a 2-0 win over Union Berlin. While the two-month break obviously took its toll on the standard of play, Bayern relied on the unshakeable midfield brilliance of Thiago Alcântara to establish the rhythm of play and control 62 percent of possession.

Highlights That Aren’t 9 Years Old: Borussia Dortmund’s Back At It Again

Of Europe’s top five leagues, Germany’s Bundesliga remains on course to be the first to return to the pitch. All clubs have resumed training in small groups, and the league still expects to return on Saturday, May 9. 

However, Bundesliga chief executive Christian Seifert recently told the New York Times that although matches in the top two tiers would resume at the beginning of May, all the games would be played behind closed doors — a measure that’ll likely last through the remainder of the season.

Cafu’s Triple Sombrero On Pavel Nedvěd Was The Sort Of Quality We Miss Most

In football’s absence we’re left to discuss purely quantitative things: the 25-point gap between Liverpool and Manchester City, the number of days between now and a hypothetical restart of the season, the amount of money that everyone’s losing during the shutdown, etc. 

Howard Women's Soccer Team Destroys Everyone In Stay At Home Challenge

Amid all of the chaos and cancelations, soccer players around world have kept themselves entertained with the so-called “Stay At Home Challenge.” Lionel Messi showed his skills at juggling toilet paper, but there’s a new front-runner in town. In the lead now for the best stay at home challenge video is the Howard women’s soccer team.

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