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Evolution does not stand still, unlike these Almeria defenders. Evolution moves inexorably forward, like Granada’s Darwin Machís. In a Spanish Segunda División match on Friday, Machís showed the next step forward in evolution with a thrilling solo goal.

Machís fooled one defender, took a ride on the HMS Beagle for about 20 yards and curled in a beautiful finish to double Granada’s lead early in the second half against Almeria, the goal nestling into the back of the net by the width of a finch beak.

(bursts through wall like the Kool-Aid man)

YOU MIGHT SAY DAVID DE GEA IS MANCHESTER UNITED'S WONDERWALL HUH.

(the police cart me away in a strait jacket)

Sean McConville of Accrington Stanley is the main culprit here. If this were a game of Clue, I’d suggest it was Sean McConville, all the way from the conservatory, with a lead pipe.

What we have here is a classic case of too much violence in the EFL Checkatrade Trophy. The Red Imps of Lincoln City were on the receiving end of this hit from McConville, but they still managed to comeback on two occasions and prevail 3-2.  

Unlike American football, kicking off is an advantage in soccer. At least, it’s supposed to be. You can pass to a teammate and start an attack or just lump the ball forward and run after it in the opponent’s end. Regardless, you shouldn’t give up the fastest goal ever scored when you kick off. But CS Sfaxien didn't get the memo.