Shocking

Last night, a crowd of 50,000 watched Mexico defeat Paraguay 4-2 at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, California, to make it two wins in two matches for new manager Gerardo “Tata” Martino. 

During a space of 18 first half minutes, El Tri posted three on the South American side to effectively put the game to bed. LA Galaxy midfielder Jonathan dos Santos scored his first international goal in his 40th appearance, Gustavo Gomez put one into his own net and then Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez slotted home the third with only 24 minutes on the clock.

Scottish football has been the butt of the joke in the British Isles for quite some time now. The Scottish Premier League, or SPL, has been trying to fight the stereotype that Scottish football is terrible via an active YouTube page. The Scottish national team has been including new and talented young players that ply their trade in a diverse number of high level leagues across Europe in order to show that Scottish football is indeed quality.

Napoli goalkeeper David Ospina, who’s at the club on a one-year loan deal from Arsenal, had to be rushed to the hospital after collapsing during today’s Serie A match against Udinese. 

The 30-year-old Colombian was injured in the fifth minute after a low cross into the Napoli box resulted in a collision between Ospina and Ignacio Pussetto. 

David Ospina's injury before his collapse in today's match against Udinese pic.twitter.com/rxPhWE0QZe

The Second City Derby between Birmingham rivals Aston Villa and Birmingham City was decided by a 67th-minute goal from Villa captain Jack Grealish, who’d earlier been punched in the back of the head by a pitch invader.

In the match’s ninth minute, with the ball in the Birmingham end, a City fan could be seen entering the pitch near the corner flag and hightailing it towards an unsuspecting Grealish.

After landing a punch, he was immediately apprehended and led away by police while blowing kisses to the crowd.  

Last Sunday, an indoor soccer match between Rockford, Illinois-based San Jose FC and FC Wisconsin U-19 descended into madness in Brookfield, Wisconsin, when a skirmish ultimately resulted in a referee getting punched in the face.

The referee, 50-year-old Terry From, approached a boy who’d thrown a water bottle in his direction, identified as the 12-year-old son of San Jose FC’s coach, before being punched by a 17-year-old San Jose FC player, identified as the older brother of the 12-year-old. 

As Manchester United wildly celebrated two ludicrously self-inflicted PSG errors and a contentious, VAR-influenced handball decision to advance to the last eight of Europe (we won’t begrudge Red Devil supporters after the life and times of David Moyes, LVG and Jose Mourinho, but if you thought Liverpool fans were getting annoying with the EPL title at hand, this is a stern reminder that United’s fanbase is built of the exact same stuff), PSG was left to rue another night of historical ineptitude. 

During a match between Altos and River in Brazil’s Campeonato Piauiense, the league of the state of Piauí, Altos’ Humberto was clocked by River’s Biro Biro with a high boot to the face.

Thankfully, medical tests ruled out a fracture, but Humberto did suffer a concussion and is still under observation following Sunday’s incident. The Brazilian midfielder says he has no recollection of the event itself, but he returned to the pitch after the match looking like Quasimodo.  

In prospect, it was a great plan: Get up early, start with Manchester United versus Liverpool in a momentous, top four Premier League clash, and then seamlessly move on to the League Cup final between defending champions Manchester City and crisis-hit Chelsea.

There goes five hours of our day, and we didn’t get a goal to show for it.