Wayne Rooney Provides One Goal, Two Assists To Deny Atlanta A Playoff Place (For Now)

Atlanta United will certainly make the playoffs on the backend of a terrific season, but D.C. United deprived Tata Martino’s side of clinching while giving its own playoff hopes a major boost by defeating the Five Stripes 3-1 in the nation’s capital. 

Wayne Rooney was again instrumental for D.C., assisting Luciano Acosta on the game’s opening goal in the 29th minute before restoring the Black-and-Red’s advantage from the spot in the 52nd. With the match in the balance, Rooney then provided another assist for Acosta in the 77th minute to secure the three points for D.C. United.

Xavi Turns Back The Clock With A Breathtaking Assist In The Asian Champions League

We’ll be honest, we’re not entirely sure how things are going for Xavi in Qatar with Al Sadd. What we do know is that the 38-year-old captured his first major piece of silverware with the club last season in the form of the Qatar Cup, and he registered a hugely respectable total of 10 goals in 26 league appearances (although his club finished runner-up to Al-Duhail).

DeAndre Yedlin Goes From Hero To Zero In Four Minutes Against Chelsea

Chelsea kept pact with Liverpool and Watford at the top of the Premier League table by defeating Newcastle United 2-1 Sunday after an entirely forgettable opening 75 minutes sprang into life over the final quarter-hour.

For Newcastle supporters, the approach from Rafa Benitez harkened back to last December’s visit of Manchester City. The Magpies sat inordinately deep and ceded 81 percent of possession to the visitors while playing with five at the back and an incredibly grafting midfield pairing of Mohamed Diame and Ki Sung-Yueng. 

Rooney’s Master Class In Turning Defense Into Attack Wins Three Points At The Death

During a goal-packed, explosive MLS game between D.C. United and Orlando City on Sunday night, Wayne Rooney and Luciano Acosta combined to destroy Orlando at the death. United won 3-2 with Acosta’s hat-trick (two supplied by Rooney) surpassing the efforts of an own goal and Dom Dwyer.

In the 96th minute, a failed D.C. corner left their own net without a keeper (United's David Ousted had come forward despite the 2-2 scoreline — D.C. had to win this one) as Orlando’s Will Johnson sought to capitalize on the counter — until Rooney started rampaging.

I Want To Show You This Video Of Bastian Schweinsteiger Busting Loose

The Chicago Fire defeated Louisville City 4-0 in the U.S. Open Cup yesterday, and Bastian Schweinsteiger delivered an assist that was reminiscent of his charging forth at the 2006 World Cup. Have some, Costa Rica. 

Here’s Schweinsteiger dictating play in the final third before playing the easy ball. Would Germany have benefitted from convincing Schweinsteiger to come out of international retirement to play in Russia? No, but that’s a pretty good shit take to get the people riled up. 

Ever Banega's Assist To Messi Was Some Next Level Midfield Play

After watching first Lucas Biglia and then Enzo Perez do little except play balls into places where things go to die, it’s looking like Argentina’s riding Ever Banega next to Javier Mascherano from here on out (which still might not be very long whatsoever). Regardless, my God was it nice to see a ball from the Argentina midfield that wasn’t first coated in the feces of a leaky Mascherano anus.   

The Tears Were Flowing At Andres Iniesta’s Farewell Press Conference

Today — Friday, April 27, 2018 — Andres Iniesta confirmed in a press conference at Barcelona’s Ciutat Esportiva that this would well and truly be his final season at the club.