Rooney’s Master Class In Turning Defense Into Attack Wins Three Points At The Death

During a goal-packed, explosive MLS game between D.C. United and Orlando City on Sunday night, Wayne Rooney and Luciano Acosta combined to destroy Orlando at the death. United won 3-2 with Acosta’s hat-trick (two supplied by Rooney) surpassing the efforts of an own goal and Dom Dwyer.

In the 96th minute, a failed D.C. corner left their own net without a keeper (United's David Ousted had come forward despite the 2-2 scoreline — D.C. had to win this one) as Orlando’s Will Johnson sought to capitalize on the counter — until Rooney started rampaging.

I Want To Show You This Video Of Bastian Schweinsteiger Busting Loose

The Chicago Fire defeated Louisville City 4-0 in the U.S. Open Cup yesterday, and Bastian Schweinsteiger delivered an assist that was reminiscent of his charging forth at the 2006 World Cup. Have some, Costa Rica. 

Here’s Schweinsteiger dictating play in the final third before playing the easy ball. Would Germany have benefitted from convincing Schweinsteiger to come out of international retirement to play in Russia? No, but that’s a pretty good shit take to get the people riled up. 

Ever Banega's Assist To Messi Was Some Next Level Midfield Play

After watching first Lucas Biglia and then Enzo Perez do little except play balls into places where things go to die, it’s looking like Argentina’s riding Ever Banega next to Javier Mascherano from here on out (which still might not be very long whatsoever). Regardless, my God was it nice to see a ball from the Argentina midfield that wasn’t first coated in the feces of a leaky Mascherano anus.   

The Tears Were Flowing At Andres Iniesta’s Farewell Press Conference

Today — Friday, April 27, 2018 — Andres Iniesta confirmed in a press conference at Barcelona’s Ciutat Esportiva that this would well and truly be his final season at the club.

This One-Two Between Messi And Suarez Just Gave Barca The Copa Del Rey

Up 3-0 at halftime of the 2018 Copa del Rey Final, Barcelona have almost certainly captured their fourth straight title in the competition. Luis Suarez opened the scoring in the 14th minute off a Philippe Coutinho assist, and Lionel Messi doubled the advantage in the 31st after a nasty back heel assist from Jordi Alba.

In the 40th minute, it was essentially game over after Suarez and Messi exchanged passes in the attacking third, leading to the Uruguayan’s second of the day (or one more than his entire Champions League campaign, if you prefer).