Manchester United

The world found out who Anthony Martial was the way you or I found out about a movie like Sharknado.

He was going through yet more hardship at Manchester United after struggling last season at Real Madrid. It seemed like de ja vu, only worse, because of the simple fact that he was back to square one, regressing. At Real Madrid he at least took one step forward by virtue of leaving Manchester United for a bigger club, which made his struggles understandable and eventual success more respectable. Struggling back at United made it seem like he had lost everything he had gained at the end of his stint at Madrid. 

Being a NYSE-listed company, Manchester United have to make statements to the market whenever there is significant turnover in senior personnel. When Sir Alex Ferguson announced his retirement, for example, it was first communicated in a formal statement to shareholders, and Manchester United PLC’s stock plummeted 4.5%.

A report on Twitter has David de Gea’s transfer from Manchester United to Real Madrid collapsing. 

The documents did not arrive on time!!!!!! Presentation was ready. All agreed. But as it stands de Gea stays at MUFC!!

— Guillem Balague (@GuillemBalague) August 31, 2015

These days, one needn’t rely upon calendars, atomic clocks or tidal flows to gauge the dwindling of summer; the stench of panic emanating from Ed Woodward’s corner office is guidance enough.

Earlier this summer, Louis van Gaal hinted that Manchester United would bring in a "mystery striker." He was, obviously, very mysterious about who it would be. There were rumors about Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Neymar, Edinson Cavani and Cristiano Ronaldo, among others.

Do you want to know what feels like it happened a long time ago? This, this feels like it happened a long time ago:

That was Javier Hernandez playing hero for Real Madrid in one of the biggest games of the year late last April, 4 months ago. 

Manchester United advanced today to the group stage of the Champions League after spending a year in wayward pines. Wayne Rooney scored three goals and the Red Devils won 4-0. Great for them! That’s terrific. Way to go, fellas. Cheers. Good luck in Russia or Madrid or Israel in the next round.

Memphis Depay’s confidence has been evident ever since he had his first official press conference for Manchester United. He owned the podium that day. “We have to play for the trophies,” he said, like he had to get so many loafs of bread. And that’s not to say he came off as arrogant, quite the opposite: he alternated often between admitting he needed to work hard and listen to his manager.

Reports from Germany – following on similar stories in the British press last weekend – claim that Manchester United has bid $95 million for German international striker Thomas Muller. Louis van Gaal enjoys a close relationship with the player, whom he handed his Bayern Munich debut back in 2008, and is keen to test the Bavarian club’s resolve to hang onto one of their star men.