Manchester United

Under the reign of Louis van Gaal, Paul Scholes has labeled Manchester United a shamble, a team devoid of creativity, risk and and an unmitigated disaster. His criticism of the current regime has been so fierce that he’s been forced to deny having a personal bias against van Gaal and the current crop of Manchester United players. 

Manchester United have signed the highly-rated American teenager Matthew Olosunde after he received international clearance to join up with the squad last week. Although the deal was finalized January 29, Manchester United did not announce it until Friday once the paperwork went through. 

Former footballer Adam Johnson was found guilty of one charge of sexual touching involving a child, a 15-year-old Sunderland supporter. Johnson is tentatively looking at four to 10 years of jail time (with a maximum of 14 years).

A statement from the victim read:

“From the very beginning of all of this I always doubted that people would believe me.

Louis van Gaal has hit the screens of millions of people this weekend and this time it wasn’t because his team lost again. Manchester United won, but that's not the reason for Van Gaal's bog weekend either.

During the game against Arsenal, the former Barcelona coach was very upset after the referee said Manchester United fouled Arsenal's Alexis Sánchez, something Van Gaal didn’t think was correct. So after a few seconds of ranting the assistant referee, he dropped himself. And yes, It was as awesome as you can imagine.

Here’s the Vine of Van Gaal diving against Arsenal:

Louis van Gaal is back. Technically, he never left, but this season has been a parade of misery for fans watching him. He just seemed so serious, it was like he actually gave a f***. If there's one thing we know about the man who was once described, accurately, as a "cross between a weirdly angry pastry chef and a weirdly angry pastry," it's that he gives no f***s.

Remember when he bopped the camera? Louis van Gaal did not get anywhere near bopping cameras earlier this season.

Sunday's Capital One Cup final — Manchester City vs. Liverpool — won the day because, not only was it a great game soccer-wise, it gave us a phenomenal array of subplots. Let's run them down real quick:

Manchester City vs. Liverpool Subplots

The Yolo Derby

Manchester United don't need Jose Mourinho, judging by their performances over the past week.

You can't help but laugh at the constant back and forth of soccer fans. Just two weeks ago, Manchester United fans were calling for Louis Van Gaal's head. Jose Mourinho scarves were being sold outside Old Trafford, and there was talk that the Dutchman was done after pitiful losses to FC Midtjylland and Sunderland. 

Memphis Depay is a murderer. In Manchester United's game against FC Midtjylland, The Dutch international repeatedly destroyed poor right back Andre Romer, who was left almost in tears after the display. The Red Devils crushed the Danish club 5-1, and at times it seemed more like Memphis Depay vs Midtjylland as the Dutchman ran rampant. 

Manchester City took on Dynamo Kiev and won 3 - 1. Sergio Aguero opened the scoring early in the 15th minute. David Silva added the second in the 40th and Yaya Toure scored a third in the 90th minute. For Kiev, Vitaliy Buyalsky scored in the 58th minute. In the Netherlands, PSV Eindhoven and Atletico Madrid played to a 0 - 0 draw. 

Leg 2 for these four teams is on March 15th as PSV fly to Madrid and Kiev visit Manchester. 

Manchester City vs. Dynamo Kiev