Highlights

In La Paz, Bolivia, more than 10,000 feet above sea level, the air is so thin you can almost see Argentina's World Cup qualification hopes floating away.

It's not over yet, of course, but after a 2-0 defeat at the hands of Bolivia and with Lionel Messi suspended for three of Argentina's four remaining qualifiers, it's not looking good.

We still don't know what Messi said to the assistant referee after Argentina's 1-0 win over Chile Thursday, but whatever it was got him a four-match suspension, curiously announced just six hours before the Bolivia match.

Oman and Bhutan played an Asian Cup qualifier Tuesday, with Oman winning 14-0. This is about as bad a beatdown as you can get in soccer, and we spent some time thinking about what went through the minds of the losing team.

The 14 Stages Of Losing 14-0

1. Oh no! The other team has scored! We must try to score also and tie the game!

2. Ah well, 2-0 is the most dangerous lead in soccer. We can do this boys!

3. We can still come back. Stranger things have happened.

Matchday seven has passed in Asian 2018 FIFA World Cup qualification, and the usual suspects have emerged as favorites to gain passage to Russia. Iran and South Korea control their own destinies in securing Group A’s automatic qualification spots, while Japan, Saudi Arabia and Australia are vying for the top two positions in Group B.

The only real surprise is Uzbekistan’s standing of third in Group A, meaning that a country that’s never been to a World Cup before is on course for the playoff against Group B’s third place side.

Cristiano Ronaldo hit his 69th and 70th international goals for Portugal on Saturday to join an elite club of players to have reached such a milestone. At 32, you wouldn’t put it past Ronaldo to some day eclipse Ferenc Puskas’ European record total of 84 international goals.

Both of his goals were extremely well taken against Hungary, but it was the historic 70th that both celebrated his unique skill and outlined his vast contribution to the sport of football. 

A goal-saving block is a great thing. To make that block while lying on the ground and perfectly timing an overhead kick to put a goal-bound header out of play is sensational. To do all that in stoppage time while your side is leading 3-2 and pushing for promotion to the English Championship, well, that’s just absurd. 

But that’s exactly what Scunthorpe defender Murray Wallace managed to achieve for his side against Bradford City today, earning them a vital three points in their push for promotion.

Russia played the Ivory Coast in a friendly Friday, but there was nothing friendly about what Wilfried Zaha did to the 2018 World Cup hosts.

Oh my, @wilfriedzaha.  pic.twitter.com/XRENbfxnv0

— Planet Fútbol (@si_soccer) March 24, 2017

So far, so good on the return of Bruce Arena as manager of the USMNT. Sebastian Lletget scored a tap-in after Honduran goalkeeper Donis Escober saved Christian Pulisic’s shot, Michael Bradley scored a brilliant solo goal from distance and then Pulisic provided a wonderfully linked assist to Clint Dempsey, the Texan returning to international duty after missing the opening two games of the Hex with an irregular heartbeat.

Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez equalled Jared Borgetti’s all-time goalscoring record for Mexico by scoring his 46th goal in his 89th match. Coincidentally, that’s the exact same record as Borgetti.

| #UDEliminatorias: GOOOOOOL. Al 7', 'Chicharito' abre el marcador para México. https://t.co/h92Y13ly9L pic.twitter.com/PpK3ty8Jxn

Francisco Totti’s thunderous training volley put an end to the Third Punic War today. The volley cracked off his boot and resulted in a breaching of the Carthaginian's walls and the sacking of the city. When this firecracker smote the back of the net, Carthage was systematically burned for 17 days, utterly destroying all remnants of the 700-year-old empire.

Che bomba del Capitano!

Paulinho. Really. I am not making this up.

The Guangzhou Evergrande man scored three times to see Brazil over Uruguay, 4-1.

POW!!!
@paulinho squares things up with an ABSOLUTE SCREAMER!!! 1-1. #WCQ https://t.co/mNRiRktJee

— beIN SPORTS USA (@beINSPORTSUSA) March 23, 2017