Goals

The 2018-19 UEFA Women’s Champions League Round of 32 kicked off Wednesday with the likes of Lyon (the three-time defending champion), Chelsea, Wolfsburg, PSG and Linkoping all recording first leg victories.

The most resounding scoreline was Bayern Munich traveling to Serbia to take on Spartak Subotica and winning 7-0. The opening goal of the match was scored by 33-year-old American Gina Lewandowski (no relation to Robert). She previously won this competition with Frankfurt back in 2008, but she has only one USWNT cap to her name.

Excuse me, I have to type this so quietly because Croatia’s hungover as all hell at the moment, and I daren’t wake it. Today, Croatia opened its eyes in Elche before quickly closing them and muttering, “I think I’m going to die. I don’t think partying for 58 days straight was a good idea.” 

That’s the amount of time that’s elapsed between the nation’s runners-up finish at the World Cup and today’s 6-0 beatdown at the hands of La Furia Roja — a nickname which certainly sounds like the sort of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky product that’d do your head in. 

Portugal defeated Italy 1-0 Monday at the Estadio da Luz in Lisbon to go top of UEFA Nations League Group 3 while Italy crashed to the bottom of the three-team group with only one point from two matches. The Azzurri’s worrisome 1-1 draw with Poland in Bologna last Friday served to foreshadow the day’s events: Italy mustered only two shots on target while creating absolutely nothing of note.

A team of Cruz Azul legends played a friendly against Club America legends in a farewell match to Estadio Azul Saturday, which was America’s home between 1947 and 1955 and Azul’s ground between 1996 and 2018. Both clubs now occupy the Estadio Azteca while the Nuevo Estadio Azul is being built.

But this past weekend, the likes of Azul legends Carlos Hermosillo and César Delgado came up against Blanco, Luis Roberto Alves and Germán Villa to give the crumbling edifice a proper goodbye. 

There are a few unstoppable feats in sports, like an Allen Iverson crossover, a Barry Sanders sweep or a Nolan Ryan fastball. You know it’s coming, but you still can’t beat it. This Gareth Bale goal vs Ireland fell into that category.

Atlanta United will certainly make the playoffs on the backend of a terrific season, but D.C. United deprived Tata Martino’s side of clinching while giving its own playoff hopes a major boost by defeating the Five Stripes 3-1 in the nation’s capital. 

Wayne Rooney was again instrumental for D.C., assisting Luciano Acosta on the game’s opening goal in the 29th minute before restoring the Black-and-Red’s advantage from the spot in the 52nd. With the match in the balance, Rooney then provided another assist for Acosta in the 77th minute to secure the three points for D.C. United.

While we should probably wait to see what Cristiano Ronaldo offers after he gets his first for Juventus, this early September strike from Sampdoria’s Fabio Quagliarella could easily fit the bill for the 2018-19 Serie A Goal of the Season. 

The 35-year-old is in the midst of a career renaissance after scoring a personal-best total of 19 goals in 35 matches last year, and he’s now off the mark this season with one of the best goals of his legendary career. 

This world-class bit of instinctive finishing put the final touches on Sampdoria’s 3-0 win over Napoli today.

Barcelona moved to the top of the LaLiga table on goal difference Sunday after hammering newly promoted Huesca 8-2 at the Camp Nou. Lionel Messi registered two goals and two assists, Luis Suarez added a brace and an assist, Jordi Alba had a goal and an assist and Ivan Rakitic did the same to power the Blaugrana to the top of the table. An Ousmane Dembele strike and a Jorge Pulido own goal rounded off the eight Barcelona tallies.