Funny

Spider-Man Asked Mbappé To Join Tottenham; His Response Was Unnecessarily Brutal

Given the popularity of superhero movies these days, it’s easy to believe they can do anything — one large-chinned figure can snap his fingers and make half the world disappear, another underwear-on-the-outside figure can fly so fast he can reverse time and another dude fires a bow and arrow really well (OK that guy I don’t get). But not even your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man’s webs can ensnare the fastest footballer on the planet. 

Trapped In The Net Like Some Sort Of Northern Pike, Andy Carroll Makes An Unreal Goal-Line Clearance

As glorious as Andy Carroll's return to Newcastle United in 2019 originally felt, it eventually only served as a reminder of the toll that time effects on us all. There was something poetically symmetrical about his final 19 Premier League games for the Toon back in 2010 producing 11 goals of the rough-riding and swashbuckling variety, while his return season yielded the same amount of appearances but zero goals.

It turns out the passing of a decade leaves us all, either literally or metaphorically, mutton-chopped, grumpier (throwin' elbows) and with a lot shittier ankles.

CBS Is Ready For MLS Cup Featuring Porto And New York City FC

CBS doesn’t have the broadcasting rights for MLS Cup and apparently couldn’t give less of a damn about who is playing. I was double-checking which channel was showing the game and clicked on the preview done by CBS.

3 Red Cards And 2 Bench-Clearing Brawls — Atlético Advances Using Its Favorite Script

The dust has settled on Champions League Group B, where we started the day with Liverpool guaranteed top, Atlético at the bottom, Porto advancing as runner-up, switched to Milan in second after Zlatan's side took an early lead on Liverpool, went back to Porto in second after Mohamed Salah equalized and finally finished with Atlético advancing to the Round of 16 after Diego Simeone's men beat Porto 3-1 in a match that featured three red cards, three yellows and two bench-clearing brawls between minutes 67 and 75.

Inter’s Barella Sees Red After Nutmegging Militão With Himself

Nicolò Barella lost the plot in Inter Milan’s 2-0 defeat to Real Madrid. The battle for the top spot in Group D was decided by a smashing Toni Kroos hit in the first half, but it was ended by the Barella red card vs Real Madrid. Los Blancos closed out the win after a lovely late strike from Marco Asensio on Tuesday at the Bernabeu.

Dastardly Benfica Fans Make Website Where You Can Help Send Their Manager To Brazil With One Click

When the fans of a club want their manager to hit the road they often express their displeasure via banners and a #so-and-so-out. The hashtag for a manager to go often hits the social feeds after a tough loss, even Gregg Berhalter has had his name trending in an outward direction.

Supporters of Portuguese giants Benfica have taken their expression of resentment toward their manager to a whole new, genius level.

Kelley O’Hara Celebrates NWSL Title At Caps Game In True Kelley O’Hara Fashion

Kelley O’Hara is back at a Washington Capitals game, so two things are guaranteed: she’s celebrating another piece of major hardware and crankin’ foamers.

Colombian Team Earns Promotion With Goal That Absolutely Screams Match-Fixing

The Colombian soccer players’ association has called for an investigation into suspicious circumstances surrounding a key promotion match that was decided by a late goal one senior player called an “embarrassment for Colombian football."

Llaneros played Unión Magdalena at home on Saturday night and were leading 1-0 until the 95th minute, when the visitors scored twice in succession.

Video of the winning goal appeared to show the Llaneros players backing off their opponents and allowing them to score.

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