Funny

When we last reported on Ronaldinho Gaucho, it was to alert you that the great Brazilian No. 10 was delaying his decision on where to play next until after Carnival.

I haven’t played co-ed soccer since high school gym class. What I remember from it involves a lot of social and competitive awkwardness. I may or may not have been the kid that couldn’t figure out when it was “OK” to try hard in gym class and when you were an a**hole for doing so. I figured this out later in life, but clearly this Mr. Garruto got it from the get go. Which is incredibly ironic, because this Garruto guy got kicked out of a co-ed league.

In 1994 an event happened that shook the very foundation of soccer. During the World Cup in the United States, apparently some marketing hacks decided to have Diana Ross take an exhibition penalty for reasons that are still unclear.

Now, Diana Ross is very talented at many things, singing chief among them. Not chief among them, however, is kicking a soccer ball. Which is how we found ourselves in the position of having to write this article.

Valentine's day: the romance of a relationship somehow expressed over the course of one single day, or a 24-hour solo binge-fest on Haagen-Dazs’ latest fudge-brownie. Either way, it’s sure to be one of the better days of the year. 

(If your date isn’t of the ice cream variety, you have some decisions to make. What do you do? Where do you eat? Do you go all out on that chocolate moat you read about in Cosmopolitan?)

Depending on your feelings about foreign kung fu movies and soccer, Shaolin Soccer may or may not be the greatest film of all time. The absurd Hong Kong martial arts comedy has it all: good guy Shoalin monks who use soccer to spread the art of Kung Fu to the world, bad guys who have a team called “Team Evil” that plays against the good guy monks, an evil businessman arch villain supporting Team Evil, and an American drug Team Evil uses to try and beat the previously unbeatable good guy monks.

If all of that sounds like too much, trust me, it is, in the best possible way: 

The LA Galaxy have all the pieces in place for a great 2016 season. The offensive star power of Giovani dos Santos, Steven Gerrard and Robbie Keane has been complimented by the additions of Belgian defensive stalwart Jelle Van Damme, English great Ashley Cole and kung fu master Nigel de Jong.