Fails

Hoffenheim vs. Hertha Featured Two Goals You Need To See For Completely Different Reasons

Bundesliga also-rans Hoffenheim and Hertha met in a battle pitting fourth and fifth in the German top division. Hoffenheim would ultimately win 3-1, climbing above Borussia Dortmund and into third in the table — only 14 points behind Bayern Munich.

The match featured two must-watch but starkly contrasting goals. Peter Pekarik opened the scoring for Hertha after a truly bizarre assist from Alexander Esswein. It was just an awful mis-hit, but that stupid cliche they all count the same.

There Literally Could Not Have Been A Worse Time For Mesut Ozil’s Autobiography

This season could not be more quintessential Arsenal if it tried. From their annual shellacking by Bayern Munich in the round of 16 to their current standing of fourth in the Premier League, everything is going according to plan. 

Hand in hand with these results are the seasonal calls for Arsene Wenger to leave and the questioning of the big-game ability of the majority of their squad, particularly the team’s highest-paid player (who’s also asking for more money), Mesut Ozil.

The Unbelievable Story Of The Chicago Sting Drafting The Playmate Of The Year

As we approach the beginning of the 22nd season of MLS and fifth of NWSL, now’s as good a time as any to reflect on how far soccer has come in North America. Another gorgeous soccer-specific stadium in being opened in Orlando with additional stadia planned for Washington, D.C.

Liga MX Was Home To One Of The Worst Misses Of The Year On Sunday

Toluca suffered a disappointing 3-1 home defeat to Puebla on Sunday, the result seeing Tijuana leapfrog them at the top of the Liga MX Clausura table. A goal from Puebla’s Francisco Torres in the 80th minute pretty much ended any hopes of a Toluca comeback, but they did have one chance that really couldn’t have been any simpler.

Argentine striker Gabriel Gauche was gifted a tap-in from a little more than a yard out. He managed to make contact with his right foot, his left foot and then his right again, sending the ball meekly rolling to the goalkeeper outside his own post. 

This Is What Happens When You Approach A Penalty Without A Clue

The 2016-17 CONCACAF Champions League resumed last night, and a matchup between the New York Red Bulls and Vancouver Whitecaps guarantees that at least one MLS side in preseason form will advance to the semifinals of the competition. 

MLS declined to revamp the scheduling of the tournament because the alternative was to hugely disrupt MLS playoffs, and it’s pretty obvious which knockout competition is more important to the league. 

£30 Million Flop Moussa Sissoko Sums Up Tottenham In Europe This Year

Apart from eventually winning promotion back to the Premier League, the greatest memory of Newcastle United's 2016-17 season will be selling Moussa Sissoko to Tottenham for £30 million. After acquiring him from Toulouse for next to nothing, Sissoko briefly impressed before playing a massive role in Newcastle’s relegation last season. His lone goal of the campaign didn’t arrive until April, a return of one from 37 matches.

Javier Guemez Thinks He's Cuauhtemoc Blanco. He Is Not Cuauhtemoc Blanco

Cuauhtemoc Blanco is a legend. El Temo was one of the most creative, entertaining players in the world during his career. Hell, even his post-playing career, featuring a successful election to the mayorship of Cuernavaca, a government investigation and a hunger strike, has been absurd. His signature move, the Cuauteminha, involved him gathering the ball between his feet and hopping away from defenders.

Javier Guemez, who plays for Blanco's former team, Club America, tried to do the Cuauhteminha against Coras Tepic. It did not go as planned.

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