Bloopers

Reporter Is Rushed To Hospital After Attempting Ronaldo’s Bicycle Kick

Cristiano Ronaldo is an inspiration to 30-somethings everywhere. He shows us that despite no longer being the target market and despite no contemporary pop songs being written about our nightly hijinks (“I don’t know about you but I’m feeling 33” just sounds sad), we are still human people. We are still capable of launching ourselves towards the heavens like a SpaceX rocket before getting one over on those nasty, garbage bin 40-somethings in goal.

A Very Crappy Piece Of Goalkeeping Allows Juve To Score A Miracle Third

It’s 3-3 on aggregate at the Santiago Bernabeu after Blaise Matuidi’s leveling goal in the 60th minute. Two previous headers from Mario Mandzukic put Juventus on the precipice of a miracle, and the former PSG man has now completed the comeback.

Douglas Costa, who’s been unplayable on the right-hand side, whipped in a cross, Keylor Navas really screwed the pooch and Matuidi tapped in with 30 minutes to play.

Mauro Icardi Misses Two Shocking Tap-Ins In A Scoreless Milan Derby

AC Milan’s Champions League quest — viewed as a necessity following their outrageous summer spending — is all but doomed following a scoreless draw with Inter Milan in the 168th Serie A edition of the Derby della Madonnina. Following today’s result, Milan still sit eight points back of Inter in fourth place with only eight matches remaining.

The scene at the San Siro before kickoff was exactly what you’d expect from one of the world’s fiercest derbies. Here’s the tifo from the Milan fans in the Curva Sud.

Goalkeeper Throws Ball Into Own Net, Tries To Pretend That He Didn't

The number one rule of being a goalkeeper is DO NOT THROW THE BALL INTO YOUR OWN NET. There are other rules of being a goalkeeper, of course, but that is the main one. It really isn't that complicated or abstract or difficult to understand.

Unless you're this poor guy in the Ethiopian Premier League, that is. He threw the ball into his own net, realized what a horrible blunder he had made and (this is one of the ballsiest things I have ever seen) PRETENDED THAT HE HADN'T JUST THROWN THE BALL INTO HIS OWN NET.

These Goalkeeping Bloopers Will Make You Laugh Your Socks Off

Everybody loves goalkeepers. Except, of course, when they mess up and concede the stupidest goals. Recently, we have thought a lot about the things that make goalkeepers weird.

From strange training drills to incomprehensible attitudes, keepers have so many things that make them unique.

Leverkusen Coach Heiko Herrlich Hit With $14K Fine For Awful Sideline Dive

Bayer Leverkusen manager Heiko Herrlich has been hit with a fine approaching $14,500 after taking a comedy tumble during his side’s DFB-Pokal match against Borussia Monchengladbach on December 20. Bayer would win the game 1-0, but Herrlich apologized after the match for his hysterics following Denis Zakaria’s near-impingement on his personal space.

“That was stupid,” said Herrlich. “I’d like to apologize.”

Aleksandr Kokorin Missed The Type Of Chance That Gives Strikers Nightmares

Aleksandr Kokorin is too good a player to miss like this, but it could be argued that EVERY professional soccer player is too good a player to miss like this.

Kokorin is a Russian international and has played in Russia his whole professional career, so I would like to apologize in advance for the following joke, which as a professional soccer blogger I am contractually obligated to make:

You might say he missed the . . .

 . . . 

 . . . 

nyet.

Dreadful Pass By Renato Sanches Draws Great Reaction From His Despondent Coach

A little over a year ago, Renato Sanches was one of the hottest young commodities in European football. In 2016 he won the Portuguese Primeira Liga with Benfica and helped Portugal win the European Championship. On Wednesday, a Renato Sanches pass was so bad it nearly brought his coach to tears. 

Why Would Anybody Ever Do This?

Wednesday’s Scottish Premiership match between second-place Aberdeen and third-place Rangers quickly descended into stereotypes about Scottish football after Aberdeen’s Greg Tansey just clattered Rangers midfielder Jason Holt in the box.

Tansey unloaded his flailing, spinning whiff with only seven minutes gone and was then shamefully (or mercifully) hooked in the 43rd minute. With the mighty Bhoys of Celtic dropping points against Motherwell, this could’ve been an excellent opportunity for Aberdeen to put some pressure on the pacesetters. Instead, this happened.

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