Luis Suarez has a book coming out on Thursday, and The18 has made up fabricated OBTAINED four exclusive chapters that address his biting issue, in which he reveals that he is a vampire. This is the first chapter. Stay tuned for the next three later this week.
It was dusk. I was sitting in the training room alone with my thoughts, recovering after a tough practice. As far as I know, it was just me and Klaus, the kindly old towel-fetcher, in the whole building.
“Klaus, could you fetch me a towel please?” I asked.
Klaus obliged, and brought me a towel. He held the towel out to me, but when I reached for the towel Klaus grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him and bit my neck. I tried to scream, but Klaus put his hand over my mouth. His hand was so cold, like a dead person’s. Klaus removed his teeth from my neck and took the towel that I had told him to get me and wiped some of my blood from his face with it.
“Klaus why?” I asked.
Klaus’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and he started spouting some language I couldn’t understand, probably German, and a brilliant red light enveloped him. I put my arm up and squinted to shield my eyes from the light and then, poof, Klaus was gone.
I was dazed, and also confused. I sat on the training table in shock for some time, then mustered up the ability to move. I went and got a bandage for my neck, but strangely the wound had healed itself already. This was quite puzzling, and I didn’t know what to make of it.
I got in my car and drove home and made dinner. I didn’t want any of my usual favorites though. What I really wanted was some fresh blood, but I didn’t know why. There are sheep fields outside of the town we were in, so I drove out to one of them and got a sheep and drank its blood and ate the meat raw. It was a bloody mess, and I mean that literally, not the way the Brits usually mean when they say, “Bloody Mess.”
I felt satisfied after eating the sheep, but I also felt guilty about not paying for it. This would not do. I drove up to a farmer’s house and knocked on the door and the farmer answered and I introduced myself and we made a deal in which he would supply me with butchered sheep and I would supply him with money. It was a fine arrangement. People are so nice sometimes.
The next few weeks, I felt good. I was eating nothing but raw sheep meat, which I thought was weird. Otherwise, though, things were going good. Then it happened. I came down with a sickness. I don’t know what kind. I just felt terrible all the time. I was lethargic and tired and woozy all the time. I felt like I was missing something, only I didn’t know what it was. My play was unaffected, but my soul felt like it was slipping away.
Then we played PSV Eindhoven. I went into the locker room and felt kind of clammy but otherwise everything was fine. I changed and went out on the pitch and warmed up and everything felt fine. Then the game started, and again everything felt fine.
There was a scuffle and me and Otman Bakkal kind of got into it. Then everything went red. I felt this incredible surge of power come over me, and I felt like I was invincible. I also felt an incredible thirst for human flesh. I couldn’t control myself. I sunk my teeth into Bakkal’s neck, just like Klaus had done to me. I pulled back and watched Bakkal’s eyes widen in disbelief.
I couldn’t believe it either, to be honest with you. What had I just done? I didn’t even know, to tell you the truth. The redness and the thirst and the invincibility left as soon as I disengaged from Bakkal. I stood there confused. Then I left the pitch. I had been red-carded, after all. As I was leaving the pitch, I glimpsed a familiar figure in the stands. Klaus! I ran back to the locker room and out the door into the hallway and caught the bugger as he was trying to leave. I grabbed him by the shoulder.
“Klaus what did you do to me?” I asked.
Klaus tried to do the red light disappearing act again, but I was ready for it. I held on for dear life and Klaus and I disappeared from the stadium into the swirling blackness. We landed on the cold hard ground in some kind of crypt or something. I let go of Klaus and stared at him.
“Answer my questions, Klaus!” I said.
Klaus told me to sit down. I told Klaus no, there wasn’t a chair. Klaus told me to sit down anyway. His voice was level when he said it, but there was something menacing in that frail old man’s eye that compelled me to listen to him. I sat down on the floor. It was cold and hard, just like I suspected.
“Luis, I am a vampire. I bit you. You are a vampire,” Klaus said.
Way to beat around the bush there, Klaus.
Klaus continued. “There are not many of us vampires. I think you and me, and now Bakkal, are the only ones in Europe right now. There are a fair bit more in South America, including Uruguay. That’s why I chose you to make a vampire. I thought you had all the attributes to handle it. Also I was lonely. I needed someone to talk to about being a vampire. Someone to swap vampire stories with and be friends.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier, like when you bit me?” I asked.
“I was frightened, and I couldn’t believe what I had just done. My own actions startled even me, I think,” Klaus said. “So I panicked and disappeared.”
“But why did you try and flee from me again today at the stadium?” I asked.
“I’m not a real big fan of confrontation,” said Klaus.
I rolled my eyes.
“But why me?” I asked “What do you mean I have the traits to be a vampire? I don’t understand. I’m neither a teenage heartthrob nor an actor who portrays a teenage heartthrob.”
“Teenage heartthrobs aren’t the only ones who can be vampires,” Klaus said. “And as for actors, they generally make terrible vampires, and vice versa. The portrayal of vampires in the media is so far from the truth that they just can’t handle it. Except for Pattinson. Robert Pattinson is an actual vampire.”
“I knew it,” I said.
“You have the traits Luis. You are strong. You are swift. You have the power of will. You will make an excellent vampire,” said Klaus.
“But what if I don’t want to be a vampire?” I asked.
“Tough. I already bit your neck,” said Klaus.
“So I’m a vampire. What does that mean?” I asked.
“Mostly it means you eat raw meat and occasionally drink other people’s blood,” Klaus said. “There are also occasional…situations that arise that require the meddling of a vampire. But we’ll discuss that later.”
“I have to drink other people’s blood?” I asked.
“‘Fraid so,” said Klaus.
“How do I do that?” I asked. “I’ve been drinking sheep blood and that’s been working fine”
“I have a sympathetic friend at a hospital who works with blood transfusions. I’ll give you the hook-up,” said Klaus. “As for the sheep, that’s normal, but you can only subsist on sheep for so long before you need people blood.”
“Great,” I said. “What do I do now?”
“You go play football and I will be in contact,” said Klaus.
Klaus grabbed me and the black swirly thing happened again and before I knew it I was back in the Ajax locker room and Klaus was gone.
Tune in tomorrow for part two.
@SamKlomhaus
