We’re well into the summer of soccer, and it’s been an all-consuming affair that leaves little time for anything else. The Euros kickoff early; the Copa America keeps us up late. With all due respect to our friends, family and significant others, we wouldn’t have made a single different lifestyle choice over the past three weeks. Here are 8 signs that you’ve spent all of June doing nothing but watching international soccer.
8 Signs You’ve Spent The Last Month Watching International Soccer
#1: You’ve spent the last month listening more to Alexi Lalas than to your significant other.
After the deserved lambasting Fox’s coverage of the USA vs. Argentina game received, you took a quiet moment to step back and wonder how Alexi Lalas had convinced you that the USA had an ice cube’s chance in hell of withstanding Argentina.
It’s not your fault. For a month now you’ve been listening to Lalas scream and shout at you — it’s a veritable case of stockholm syndrome.
Go and call your parents. Embrace your loved ones. It’s almost over now.
#2: The David Guetta “This One’s For You” snippet won’t stop racing through your head.
That high pitched twanging that sounds like an orchestrated, auto-tuned version of the seagulls from Finding Nemo (“Mine! Mine! Mine!”) has pervaded your very essence.
It’s used to announce a return to ESPN's coverage of the tournament and, like Pavlov’s Dogs, you come running at its very sound.
#3: You suffer from withdrawals during the rest days between tournament stages.
The break between the group stages and the quarter-finals may mean rest for the players, but for you it spells massive agitation and boredom.
Give us Peru vs. Haiti. We’ll take Romania vs. Albania. Please, just don’t make us go back to the gym or pick up a book.
#4: Names like Arquimedes Figuera and Birkir Bjarnason have entered your daily conversation.
Keeping up with the exploits of Venezuela’s La Vinotinto and Iceland’s Strakarnir okkar has expanded your global horizons. However, Rob Stone can keep his 'interesting country facts' segment to himself.
#5: You’ve shown everyone around you these two moments.
Jogi Low's NSFW self-romance:
This Welsh fan feeling all the feels:
#6: You’ve quickly become a jovial morning person.
There’s no time like the wee hours of the morning to wake up, make yourself some eggs and coffee and attack the day by sitting in front of the television for the next 5 hours. Your roommates might not appreciate your 7 AM revelry, but this six pack isn't going to drink itself.
#7: You're searching for a reasonable excuse to purchase a Jamaica or Croatia jersey.
There's little in the way of Croatian or Jamaican ancestory in your blood, and there's certainly not a smattering of both, but these are the two best kits on show this summer. Sure, Jamaica crashed out of the Copa while only scoring a single goal (an own goal), but the Raggae Boyz are still champions of the Caribbean.
Meanwhile, Croatia have arguably been the team of the Euros. What better way to spend $200?
Mine eyes have seen the glory of Jamaica. Photo: @vanabacha | Twitter
#8: You will not speak of July 11, 2016.
The Euro 2016 final takes place on July 10. We do not speak of what comes on July 11. Only 25 days until 2016 Summer Olympic Football, baby! Oh God.
Follow me on Twitter: @ConmanFleming
