It’s a fact: some people grow facial hair faster than others. At one end of the spectrum you have the guys who don’t shave for weeks at a time and still could look presentable at a business meeting. At then at the other end there’s Zach Galifianakis. (little-known fact: he shaves every single morning*) Most people find themselves hovering somewhere in between. Diego Costa, however, isn’t most people.
The Chelsea forward grows a beard at an exceptional rate. For example, he began Sunday’s encounter against Manchester United with what appeared to be a good five o’clock shadow. 90 minutes later and he had a full beard. His beard visibly grew over the course of one single match. To put that into perspective, it would take Michael Cera two lifetimes to grow said beard. (no offense, Michael)
DIEGO COSTA: RETURN OF THE STUBBLE
His beard was on point though pic.twitter.com/vYhIjQ8oEZ— Club of Kings (@clubofkings) November 29, 2015
For further perspective, I made a list; a list of things that probably take longer to do than it does for Costa to grow a beard. It’s basically science.
- Watching half of a James Cameron film.
- Buttoning the cuffs on a fancy dress shirt--which, to be fair, takes an eternity.
- Playing a game of scrabble.
- Playing a game of monopoly.
- Grocery shopping with Dave, your notoriously indecisive brother-in-law.
- Driving three blocks in L.A. traffic.
- Driving two blocks in New York traffic.
- Finding a parking spot at IKEA on a Saturday.
- Five minutes of game time during the Super Bowl.
- Blowing out sixteen candles on a cake.
- Watching Sixteen Candles the movie.
- Hulu commercials.
- Microwaving popcorn.
- Flossing.
- Shaving (which undoubtedly poses some problems for Costa).
And that’s just the obvious stuff. On an otherwise unrelated note, Chelsea drew with United 1-1 on Sunday in the Premier League in dramatic fashion. Costa scored the crucial goal.
*Nothing more than wild speculation, and almost certainly the most absurd thing that’s ever been said.
Editor's note: Diego Costa's beard needs to get on my beard's level
