As hard as this might be for some of you to believe, going to watch a game live is not always the memory of a lifetime it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it downright sucks sometimes. There’s real hassle involved, real toil, and once you’ve been around the block a few times and “match day live” has lost its luster, you can have a legitimately bad experience going out and watching your favorite team.
So, for the good of humanity, we have compiled this list of reasons why your humble abode is the most perfect viewing venue you could ever ask for.
10. It’s so. Much. Cheaper.
Photo: 997Now | Twitter
Alright, let’s just get the most obvious one out of the way. Watching games live is really, really expensive. When you add up the cost of your ticket, transportation, possibly having to pay for parking, and those ridiculously priced concessions — $20 for chicken fingers and a beer!? — you can easily end up blowing $200 for one match.
As you read on, if you find yourself wondering how you could possibly afford to do any of the things listed, remember that $200. Because that’s not just $200, it’s $200 every time you want to go to a match.
9. There is no commute.
Photo: CNTraveler | Twitter
There might not be anything else in the world, short of harming a human being, that does as little good as traffic. It’s pointless, a complete waste of time. We all might have to deal with it, but that is no reason to deal with it anymore than we need to.
So please, save yourself the headache. There is nothing worse than being caught on the road three miles away from the stadium gate because the highway you’re on turned into the slowest moving parking lot you have ever seen
8. There’s not a bad seat in the your house.
Photo: renata_dsf | Twitter
Unless you happen to have placed your TV in a ballroom large enough to make people believe Cinderella was based on a true story, you are going to have a good view of the action.
Remember that $200 dollars? Ok, now half that to $100 and imagine that that’s what you paid for the terrible seat-without-a-seat right next to a support beam that effectively cuts your field of vision in half (yes, this is a real seat someone paid real money for), or one that’s so high up that you end up making a mental note to ask your optometrist to re-evaluate your prescription.
Trust us, the thrill of the game doesn’t pack quite as much of a punch when you can’t make out the numbers on the back of your team’s kits.
7. The bathroom is right around the corner.
Don't be treated like an animal. Photo: CollegeCandy | Twitter
You would think that those aforementioned traffic jams would resign themselves to the streets, but no. Oh, god no. That spawn of the devil has made it inside the stadium, and this time, it’s gonna hit you where it hurts: your bladder.
When do you want to go to the bathroom? When you aren’t going to miss any of the action, of course. When is there no action? Half time, of course. Who else connects those very same dots every single game? EVERYONE, OF COURSE.
You don’t know pain, you haven’t experienced frustration until you have stood in a line 50 people long just to take a piss. “How,” you ask. “How can these people possible store so much urine in their bodies that the line you are standing reminds you more of a photo of a police line-up than a forward moving queue of self-respecting human beings?”
Stay sane. Stay empty. Stay home.
6. You now have an excuse to make the home entertainment suite of your dreams.
Ok, maybe not that dream. Photo: BiIlionairesX | Twitter
Now that you have aren’t spending all of your money on such a frivolous expense as going to a game, you are free to spend it on the necessities of life, like a 70 inch flat screen and a digital 5.1 surround sound system. It’s the responsible choice.
5. You can eat and drink what ever you like, as much as you like.
Photo: LiilasCatering | Twitter
Speaking of responsible: food and liquor. As we mentioned before, the food most stadiums sling to their customers is over priced, and plagued by the very same lines that haunted their godforsaken bathrooms.
But at home? The possibilities are endless.
Wings, beer, pizza, liquor, hamburgers, hamburgers on pizza, even wine if you’re into that sort of thing. You can have it all, and you can have as much of it as you want. Well, more ostensibly. Way, way more than you could afford at the game.
“But why?” you ask. “Why would I want all that food?”
We’re so glad you asked.
4. You can invite every single one of your friends.
Photo: mrnikstone | Twitter
Look, unless you are a serious rainmaker in whatever you call your profession, you are never going to be able to take yourself and 5 or 6 of your favorite people to a game. It’s just not a reasonable bill for one person to foot for a majority of the population.
Your couch, on the other hand, has been footing you and your friends since the day you bought it, quite cheaply, from Ikea. (We're pretty sure Ikea owes us a truckload of couches for that shameless plug.) It’s comfy, it’s loyal, and it will never throw you all out for getting too drunk.
Honestly, that 75 pound hunk of wood and fabric has probably been better to you than most of the people that have graced its cushions.
3. You can start the after-party right away.
Photo: mrnikstone | Twitter
What makes a great party? For our money, it’s a group of close friends that are in a great mood, inviting over more and more people receptive to their great mood until the person-to-space ratio reaches critical mass. What is the threshold of critical mass? We have no idea, but you will be able to find out once your team wins a big game.
Think about it, you already have food and beer, and your friends are already in a good mood. That’s the perfect foundation, and with no car ride home in that damned traffic, it has no downtime to erode. What more do you need? Your TV to print out the invitations?
Although, now that we mention it, TVs are capable of doing some crazy things these days.
2. What’s that? You hate people? Perfect! You can watch all by yourself.
Photo: VeryOldPics | Twitter
We have some friends that like their football enjoyed in privacy. Maybe it’s a big game and they want to make sure they take it in with no distractions, or maybe they have a certain set of rituals that they must perform every match day in order to keep the bad joo-joo away from their team. And yet more people just want to watch the game while simultaneously listening to their favorite radio broadcast, and more still want to watch it while listening to absolutely nothing at all.
No matter what your motivation, sometimes all the company you need is me, myself, and I.
But seriously though, f*** people sometimes.
1. You can become a smarter fan.
Photo: livMolteno | Twitter
If you constantly find yourself out of your depth when soccer becomes the subject of conversation, try adding another screen to your viewing experience.
With the advent of social media and live blogging, fans now have more opportunities than ever before to interact with experts and those otherwise well-knowledged in the field of soccer. You can have actual conversations with these people, ask them questions, give voice to your own opinions, all while watching the game.
If live blogging isn’t your thing, hope on over to an online forum and try to hack it out with an entire community in a match thread. Your posts will often get lost in the flood of comments, but a good point or witty comment usually gets noticed.
Either way, you may be watching the game by yourself, but you’ll be connected to thousands of people doing the exact same thing.
