Alright, I’m gonna reboot our Throwback Thursday here with a fresh spin on it and see how it goes. If you like it, great, if you hate it, great, it’ll be no more.
Today we’re on a blast from the past with a Nike soccer commercial you guys are hopefully familiar with. It’s one of my top favorites out there, "The Mission" commercial:
For all you Northern Cali people out there, it’s hella tight. They’re fighting robots for the good of mankind because a ball is rounder and they need it back. What’s better than that? Also, side note, at what point is a ball not able to get rounder? Did we get there yet? This commercial fucked me up for good because every time Nike comes out with a new ball I’m always thinking “but…is it rounder??”
Anyway, I digress. Freeze the video at 8 seconds.
Look at these goddamn legends. Luis Figo, some Manchester United guy Dwight Yorke that I didn’t know of until five minutes ago, some other guy that YouTube can’t identify for me, Francesco Totti with that iconic haircut that kinda looks like a muffin top, Pep Guardiola WITH HAIR, Hidetoshi Nakata, Edgar Davids, Oliver Bierhoff? (German guy playing on Milan, that explains why I don’t care) and Lillian Thuram.
If this isn’t the greatest display of teamwork, then I don’t know what is. These guys set out to save the planet from evil robots in robes and they pass with flying colors. And you know the mastermind of this whole thing was a genius. Black sneakers AND a black ball as your equipment?? Amazing.
Although, I'm gonna have to question blasting out of the van like a firehose directly into the light. I don’t know man, they could’ve been incinerated from the beginning. It’s clearly darker on the other side of the building. Semantics.
I got so scared when Davids tripped the alarm. COULDN’T HE HAVE GOTTEN A HAIRCUT?? Were the dreads so important you couldn’t have taken one for the team?? They are intimidating so maybe I’m wrong. At least he had his laser detection goggles. And I love the little flair flicking taunt Davids does before he sets off to fight crime. What a boss. Who even does that? A player with a mind of steel and icy veins, that's who.
Looking back on it, this is nerve-wracking as shit. I’m counting at least 240 robots here. Good thing these guys have quick feet or I just don’t know how they'd survive this.
And, like, what do you think was going through Figo’s mind when he had to make that turn? “Ah, fuck, well, I’m gonna turn directly into this robot thing chasing me and hope I don't die and that the ball goes directly through his legs.” Do you think he closed his eyes? I would’ve.
And I have a confession to make: Anyone I played with reading this...yeah, I know, I said I randomly came up with the drag and flick move messing around in my backyard, but nope. I don’t care. I was able to keep it a secret this long, so that’s fine by me. Thanks, Egdar Davids, you’re the best bro.
And then Bierhoff goes in for the kill and levitates evil robot man leader into the elevator to save humankind.
BUT WAIT…The ball bounces to Davids at the edge of the window and he smashes it home on the volley to the helicopter to bring home the bacon. If I was the helicopter guy I wouldn’t have even waited for them to jump TBH. Yea call me a scumbag, but that whole place exploded immediately and the world needed that ball.
Hup Holland Hup! Or whatever they say.
