WTF

Abdoulaye Doucouré is one cheeky fella. The Watford midfielder took advantage of some poor refereeing and some poor decision-making from the English FA to help earn his team a point with a 2-2 draw. You see, the 90th-minute Doucoure goal vs Southampton was scored with the Frenchman’s hand. 

Yes, it’s still illegal to use your hands if you’re not the goalie. And no, England hasn’t joined the rest of the civilized world by adopting VAR. So yeah, the goal stood, and Southampton is rightly livid. 

As first reported by Univision and subsequently confirmed by ESPN FC and the Washington Post’s Steven Goff, 18-year-old Monterrey midfielder Jonathan Gonzalez, having represented the United States at the U-17, U-18 and U-20 levels, will request a one-time switch of allegiance from FI

With Manchester City holding an unassailable 15-point lead at the top of the Premier League table, the managerial mind games in the race for second place began in earnest on Thursday with Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho outlining how his work sets up future managers for success and how he refuses to “behave as a clown on the touchline,” both quips being viewed as digs at Chelsea coach Antonio Conte.

Wayne Shaw and pie-gate, eat your heart out. Michiel Kramer and croquette-gate are the new flavor of the month for food-related football bans. 

The FIFA corruption trial for three South Americans started weird, got weirder and ended with a little bit more weird on Thursday in New York City. During the closing arguments, the defense attorney for a former president of Brazil’s soccer federation basically tried to make the case that his client was too dumb to be involved in the bribery scandals that have rocked FIFA.

Shakhtar Donetsk advanced to the knockout stage of the Champions League Wednesday, finishing second in Group F. They were sandwiched by Manchester City and Napoli. As such, Fonseca showed up to his post-game press conference dressed up as fictional swashbuckler Zorro.

As one does.

No one ever said the FIFA corruption trials would be normal. But I don’t think anyone expected this bizarre turn of events. Kevin Jonas was called to the stand to testify for the prosecution during the ongoing court case on Thursday at a U.S. Federal Court in Brooklyn.