Goals

Watch Claire Emslie’s Accurate Strike In Scotland’s 5-0 Win

In UEFA Women’s World Cup qualifying there are a lot of routs. Half of the 10 matches played Tuesday involved scorelines of 3-0 or worse (most were worse, much worse), including Germany’s 11-0 thrashing of Faroe Islands. Scotland’s match against Albania was no different but for one feature: none of those other lopsided affairs had a goal this pretty.

Watch Samuel Eto’o Score And Know That Time Is A Flat Circle

“Your whole life, like a sandglass, will always be reversed and will ever run out again, — a long minute of time will elapse until all those conditions out of which you were evolved return in the wheel of the cosmic process. And then you will find every pain and every pleasure, every friend and every enemy, every hope and every error, every blade of grass and every ray of sunshine once more, and the whole fabric of things which make up your life.”

Jesus “Tecatito” Corona Spent The Whole Weekend Balling With FC Porto

FC Porto manager Sergio Conceicao’s search for the right formation and personnel in both the Primeira Liga and Champions League has led to Mexican international Jesus “Tecatito” Corona being handed less minutes than he’d probably like, but the 24-year-old winger was handed a start against Pacos de Ferreira on Saturday and certainly gave his manager something to think about with a flawless 75-minute display that included a goal and an assist.

FIFA Voted Ronaldo, Martens, Giroud’s Scorpion Kick The Best

FIFA actually got something right on Monday when it awarded Cristiano Ronaldo The Best FIFA Men’s Player of 2017 at the FIFA award show. Lieke Martens was named The Best Women’s Player while Olivier Giroud claimed the Puskas Award for the best goal. 

Ronaldo won the honor as best men’s player for the second year in a row and was also named to the FIFA FIFPro World XI alongside four of his Real Madrid teammates. 

Julie Ertz Is The Sergio Ramos Of Women’s Soccer

Julie Ertz did it again Sunday. The USWNT defender scored in a 6-0 rout of South Korea, her fifth goal of 2017. She’s now tied with Alex Morgan for most goals scored for Team USA this year. Julie Ertz’s goal-scoring ability makes her the Sergio Ramos of women’s football. 

Ertz headed in the United States’ fourth goal of the first half for her 13th goal in international play, most among active American defenders. It was her second goal in four days and fourth in her last four national-team appearances.

Minnesota United Player Scores Incredible Long-Range Stunner, Does Not Seem To Give AF

Minnesota United didn’t have much to play for in its final match of its inaugural season other than as a possible spoiler against San Jose on Sunday. Maybe that explains the reaction of Jerome Thiesson, who scored a cracking shot from outside the box and then didn’t seem to give a single f*ck. 

Wayne Rooney Scored A Stunner But Everton Remain On Course For Relegation

Almost 15 years to the day since Wayne Rooney announced himself to the world by scoring that goal against Arsenal, a now 31-year-old Wazza scored another beauty at Goodison Park, giving supporters another false dawn before the crushing reality set to follow.

Rooney was given far too much space and time at the top of the box in the 12th minute and sent a classy effort beyond Petr Cech, providing a huge sense of relief for both home supporters and Toffees under-fire manager Ronald Koeman.

Tottenham Put Four Past Godawful Liverpool Defense With Harry Kane Leading The Charge

The largest Premier League attendance of all-time — 80,827 spectators inside Tottenham’s temporary Wembley Stadium home — witnessed a hugely absorbing encounter between Spurs and Liverpool on Sunday with the home side ultimately registering a comprehensive 4-1 victory. Liverpool’s defense, particularly center half Dejan Lovren, was an absolute shambles, and Tottenham were cruising at 4-1 by the match’s 56th minute thanks to a brace from Harry Kane and additional goals from Son Heung-Min and Dele Alli.

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