Fails

Why Would Anybody Ever Do This?

Wednesday’s Scottish Premiership match between second-place Aberdeen and third-place Rangers quickly descended into stereotypes about Scottish football after Aberdeen’s Greg Tansey just clattered Rangers midfielder Jason Holt in the box.

Tansey unloaded his flailing, spinning whiff with only seven minutes gone and was then shamefully (or mercifully) hooked in the 43rd minute. With the mighty Bhoys of Celtic dropping points against Motherwell, this could’ve been an excellent opportunity for Aberdeen to put some pressure on the pacesetters. Instead, this happened.

Sublime Assist From Gareth Bale Overshadowed By Keylor Navas Blunder

Gareth Bale made his return from another injury layoff with an exquisite assist for Real Madrid, but goalkeeper Keylor Navas’ ricocheted blunder may have overshadowed Bale’s attempted heroics. Real Madrid drew 2-2 against Fuenlabrada in the second leg of their Copa del Rey Round of 32 match on Tuesday, advancing 4-2 on aggregate as the club’s (relative) struggles continued this season.

Thiago Messi Hilarity Causes Dad And Luis Suarez To Lose It During Golden Shoe Ceremony

Five-year-old Thiago Messi is obviously too young to understand that there’s nothing more serious than a football awards gala. That’s why FIFA and UEFA spend hours patting themselves on the back while dragging out an exercise that should really only take roughly 10-15 minutes. It’s a place for old men in expensive suits to enjoy upper, upper class high society, not general mirth.

It Took Just 16 Minutes For Marcos Antonio To Turn Himself Into A Laughingstock

Marcos Antonio's Bundesliga debut for Nurnberg in 2012 against Stuttgart was so bad the Brazilian defender was substituted after 16 minutes and never played for the club again (granted, a big part of that was injuries). It was one of just two appearances Antonio made for the club, the first coming in the DFB Pokal against TSV Havelse.

Nike’s Back At It Again With Their Horribly Generic Kits For The World Cup

So remember how in 2016 Nike rolled out all their international kits with the Vapor template? You might not because it was a complete non-event. The USA looked like Portugal looked like England looked like PSG. The kits were “modern” in design, which is PR speak for indistinguishable, homogeneous, money-grubbing attire. 

Well, here comes the 2018 World Cup, the perfect time to check all those boxes again. But instead of the Vapor template, we now get the Aeroswift template (the collar is different!). Just take my $120 now.

Here’s Portugal…

These Two Stats Show Just How Bad Ronaldo Has Been This Season

Cristiano Ronaldo is having a no-good, very bad time in La Liga this season, and we have the stats to prove it. Never mind the one goal, this goes far deeper than that.

Benevento Sets Deplorable New Mark For Ineptitude

At what point do you give up?

At what point, after months of being utterly abject, do you finally snap and say to yourself, “You know what, maybe football isn’t the sport for me?” At what point — if you’re a Benevento player or fan — do you decide rugby, darts or bobsledding is actually your calling in life? Right about now, we should be approaching this point. It goes without saying: Benevento is historically, catastrophically, fantastically abject.

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