Humor

Soccer in America is failing, they say. The USMNT sucks! The USWNT will soon be passed by Europeans!

Soccer, we’ve been told, will never fully succeed in America.

Well now, Americans have found a way to stay relevant in soccer — at least once our robot overlords take over. 

In a series of videos that is sure haunt your nightmares, some “Mini Cheetah” robots from MIT have been shown to frolic, run, gallop, trot, prance, do backflips and, yes, play soccer.

Remember when the number one rule about tattoos was that you weren’t supposed to ask the inked party what they meant? Loaded with personal significance, tattoos typically stood as an enigma, and if we’re being cynical, that’s usually the sort of personal brand that the tattooed individual was hoping to cultivate. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no boomer! I’m a fan of ink, but there’s something not quite right with Nicolás Otamendi’s collection here.

This banner, we swear, is totally normal. It’s just about the coach of a soccer team and how he feels about an opponent. Simple as that.

If you’re reading anything more into this banner, then you have a dirty mind.

 21.00 uur
 FOX Sports 2
#feyyb pic.twitter.com/24zHWf3LzA

This Sunday at 3:00 p.m. ET, the Seattle Sounders host Toronto FC at CenturyLink Field in the 24th edition of the MLS Cup. It’s the end of the trilogy as the Sounders and Reds do battle in Major League Soccer’s showpiece event for the third time in four years, and it’s being broadcast nationally on ABC and Univision.  

New USWNT manager Vlatko Andonovski begins his reign tonight with a friendly against Sweden at MAPFRE Stadium in Columbus, Ohio, and I’ve got to say, he’s already impressed me with his training methods. 

Let me show you Exhibit A and then I rest my case. 

It’s been a pretty disastrous start to the LaLiga season for Madrid-based CD Leganés. This is the club’s fourth consecutive season in the Spanish top flight but after achieving its highest-ever finish last campaign (13th), Los Pepineros look destined for a drop to the Segunda División. 

With the club languishing in last place, manager Mauricio Pellegrino was sacked on Oct. 21 following a winless streak of nine matches. Mexican manager Javier Aguirre was appointed on Nov. 4 and he’s now tasked with saving this sinking ship. 

There was an ad I saw on Twitter today starring two really, really good-looking people. Oh my. You may know them as Sir David Beckham and Lady Gaga. I know what you’re thinking, “Lady Gaga? Isn’t that the sister of Garry Gaga?”

Yup, that’s the one. 

But here’s Garry’s sister talking with Golden Balls in an ad for . . . I don't know what. Regardless, I think they're doing a great job. 

Recently, the incomparable Zlatan Ibrahimovic showed us all how it’s done with the #MatrixChallenge. 

But tennis superstar Novak Djokovic may have one-upped the Swedish legend with his perfect response to the challenge on Friday. 

If you’re an American, there’s absolutely every chance that you missed Wednesday’s Carabao Cup Round of 16 fixtures . . . unless you called in sick, which would be grounds for an ESPN 30 for 30 documentary starring you. 

In case you haven’t seen all the obnoxious social media posts — like the one that probably brought you to this link — it’s Halloween. And while some of you have probably had your costume picked out since Nov. 1, 2018, most of you are probably still scrambling around to think of a costume for tonight or trying to think of reasons to stay inside, shut out all the lights and pretend you’re not home. So we’ve come up with some soccer-related last-minute Halloween costume ideas for you unimaginative, cheap and lazy folks out there (our prime audience, I’m sure).