At this point, we should all be familiar with the continuous vacuum of noise surrounding Cristiano Ronaldo. Detractors claim he’s not the player he once was, Ronaldo scores eight La Liga goals in four matches. Haters claim that he’s egotistical and self-obsessed, he shows just how good this has made him and what it’s earned him.
After today's Atletico Madrid vs Real Madrid derby, many of you may be asking, "Exactly how many hat-tricks does Cristiano Ronaldo have?"
You may also be asking, "Can anyone else score for Real Madrid?"
The answer to these questions is, respectively, a sh*t ton and no. To put it in perspective, Ronaldo is scoring hat-tricks at the same rate at which I consume breakfast sandwiches. Which is to say, very frequently.
Here's how it breaks down.
We are not entirely sure what to make of this. At first glance, Kevin McCallister and Cristiano Ronaldo would seem to not have much in common, but here we are. The difference, of course, is when Kevin got left home he was like 12 and Cristiano is a 31-year-old grown man.
Also, Cristiano doing the pizza-ordering gun-shooting trick thing? Cristiano Ronaldo would never order a pizza. Have you seen him? We do not believe Cristiano Ronaldo has ever eaten a pizza in his life, or even knows what pizza is.
Cristiano Ronaldo has said he wants to finish his career at Real Madrid, and the club is giving him a chance to do just that. Ronaldo will reportedly sign a contract renewal that will keep him in white until 2021.
From Real Madrid's official website: