Arsenal

Fresh Off The Plane In Spain, Messi Sent Francis Coquelin Back To London

Here’s an idea: a book or film chronicling the moments when various footballers were first introduced to the otherworldly enigma that is Lionel Messi. It’d be a hugely enjoyable, albeit largely repetitive, piece.

Like A Super Blue Blood Moon Eclipse, Arsenal’s Transfer Deadline Day Was A Perfect Confluence Of Events

Like a super blue blood moon eclipse, everything lined up just perfectly for Arsenal at the end of the transfer window on Wednesday. The club signed Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, one of the most fearsome strikers in the world, nailed down Mesut Ozil to a contract extension and shipped off the now-superfluous Olivier Giroud to ensure the former deal went down. The Arsenal Aubameyang deal came at just the right time for the struggling Gunners. Now if they could just beat Swansea.

You Better Cech Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

In the 60th minute of Arsenal vs. Swansea City, with the score knotted at 1-1, Henrikh Mkhitaryan strode onto the field for his first action as an Arsenal player. Apparently, Arsenal goalkeeper Petr Cech was so enthralled by Mkhitaryan's grand entrance that he forgot to pay attention to the soccer game he was playing in.

Insane Bend On Arsenal Youth Goal Is Almost Unbelievable

Arsenal didn’t play this weekend, which is probably a good thing for Gunners fans. The team was already knocked out of the FA Cup by Nottingham Forest in the third round, meaning Gooners can’t even take pleasure in Tottenham having to replay Newport County. But the curl on this Arsenal youth goal almost makes up for not having a match to watch this weekend.

Piers Morgan Wants Donald Trump To Make Arsenal Great Again; Social Media Has A Laugh

Piers Morgan has the solution to all of Arsenal’s woes: Bring in Donald J. Trump as new manager. The talking head, an unabashed Arsenal fan, recently interviewed the U.S. Commander in Chief and, according to a tweet on Friday, offered Trump the job of replacing Arsene Wenger as manager to Make Arsenal Great Again. 

Imagining A 2017-18 North vs. South EPL All-Star Game, Er, Match

All-Star gaaaames. There’s nothing more exciting than watching the NBA’s West beat the East 192 to 182 while the 6-10 Anthony Davis scores 52 points off 39 shots, and there’s nothing more sporting than watching Canadian journeyman Will Johnson crunch Bastian Schweinsteiger on the ankle after the German graciously appears following a grueling summer spent winning the World Cup.

You Can Definitely Guess Which Premier League Club Invested In Crypto-Currency

Arsene Wenger, the Professor with an economics degree, is dipping Arsenal’s pocket book into the crypto-currency markets. The club reached an agreement Wednesday with California-based CashBet, which will thus be allowed to advertise at Emirates Stadium. Now Gunners fans can watch ads for fake money while cheering for fake trophies. The Arsenal crypto-currency deal might just be the most Arsenal thing ever. 

Pages