Amazing Goals

Zlatan Ibrahimovic used all of his 6-5, 209 pound Swedish frame to open the scoring for Los Angeles against DC United on the Fourth of July, making it 10 goals from 13 games for the striker. The 36-year-old is doing everything in his power to restore LA to prominence in MLS, but the Galaxy aren’t any good.  

Darwin Quintero, Minnesota United’s first-ever Designated Player signing, repaid in full his $1.65 million salary by scoring the club’s maiden hat-trick in Major League Soccer. What’s more, it was the greatest hat-trick in the history of the league. I can say that because I was there — look! Here’s a picture of Michael Bradley suffering in the Fourth of July heat whilst “shielding” his backline (he was awful).

Colombia looked absolutely buried in the 92nd minute of Tuesday's Round of 16 match against England. The Three Lions were only up one, but Colombia looked unable to do anything apart from bitch at American referee Mark Geiger. I had already written a nice little introduction about the blossoming of the Special Relationship on the biggest stage, but then Mateus Uribe forced a corner.

Japan’s entire 2018 World Cup cycle was something of a bitter complaint. Yes, the Samurai Blue qualified for a sixth straight tournament, but manager Vahid Halilhodzic was fired ten weeks before the finals for doing things like losing to the UAE and drawing with Iraq. To begin World Cup play, Japan recorded a 2-1 win over Colombia but somehow managed to look second-best despite playing 87 minutes with a man advantage.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic has shown his support for Sweden throughout the World Cup, but after being left off the 23-man squad despite his status as the nation’s all-time top goalscorer, you can bet that the Blue-Yellow’s march to the Round of 16 has been somewhat bittersweet for the 36-year-old. 

A thrilling first half saw Argentina and France level at 1-1 thanks to goals from Antoine Griezmann and Angel Di Maria. Then two right backs took over the scoring, first Gabriel Mercado and then the insanely perfect Benjamin Pavard goal vs Argentina on Saturday.

Argentina's Mercado scored more out of the fortune of being on Lionel Messi's team than anything else, turning in a shot from the No. 10 to give Argentina a 2-1 lead in the 48th minute.