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We've already covered many of the terrible things that have gone on before and during the Olympics, but here's a refresher: the Zika virus, deadly bacteria in the water, the police and fire departments can't protect anybody, everything is dirty, the diving pool turned green, it's really hot, a camera fell on some people, the Olympic Village is unfit for human habitation and the Sweden Women's National Team is making soccer unwatchable.
Sweden, really, are the soccer gold medalists these Olympics deserve. The Rio Olympics have been a shambles for all of the reasons listed above, a poorly-organized, poorly-executed spectacle that really shouldn't have even taken place. Which makes the Swedes the perfect soccer representatives for Rio 2016.
Last Friday, Sweden hunkered down on defense and forced the USA into a penalty shootout, which Sweden won. It was awful to watch.
And now they have gone and done it again to Brazil.
We were hoping for a brisk 90 minutes of soccer, but instead we got 120 minutes of Swedish players hoofing and dribbling the ball out of bounds like they thought you get partial goals for kicking it over the white line.
SB Nation's Kevin McCauley summed it up best:
Pia is a soccer terrorist
— a mascot fight (@kevinmccauley) August 16, 2016
Pia would be former USWNT and current Sweden WNT manager Pia Sundhage, who is maybe the only person in the world who could cause the people of Brazil to empathize with Hope Solo.
But Pia doesn't care because Pia is rampaging through the Olympics, ruining soccer games one maddening 0-0 draw at a time. Sweden stack every warm body they can find behind the ball and then kick it as far as they can when they get it. It's like they have 11 Jamie Carraghers. Pia Sundhage is Pep Guardiola but with defenders instead of midfielders. Sweden's style is everything people who actually like soccer hate about soccer.
Here's the rub, though: it works. On Friday it worked against the World Cup champions, the USWNT, and on Tuesday it worked against the hosts, Brazil. Both sides couldn't find their way through the Swedish defense and consequently lost on penalties.
We now have two blueprints for how the gold-medal match is going to go, and we would advise doing something else with your time.
Contact The18 Staff Writer Sam Klomhaus at Klomhaus@The18.com or follow him on Twitter @SamKlomhaus
