Slashed Tires
Photo: @101greatgoals | Twitter
“If you have a Ferrari and I have a small car, to beat you in a race I have to break your wheel or put sugar in your tank.” – Jose Mourinho.
There, in a nutshell, is why Chelsea should beat Manchester United this weekend: Jose Mourinho doesn’t care about style or flair, he only cares about winning. If Louis van Gaal sets the Red Devils up against Mourinho’s West Londoners in the same open, attack-minded way he has throughout the season so far, they’ll be picked off at will. Mourinho and Chelsea will be compact, they’ll defend, they’ll wait for the inevitable moment(s) when either Luke Shaw or Rafael (or both) are out of position, and then they’ll attack.
Think about how exposed United looked against West Brom on Monday. Now think about Eden Hazard. And Cesc Fabregas. And Diego Costa.
It doesn’t matter whether Jose has a small car, a Ferrari, or a tank. And it doesn’t matter what car you have either: he’s still going to break your wheels.
Dream Wreckers
Photo: @premierleague | Twitter
We, amongst many, bigged up Ronald Koeman’s Southampton last weekend, not only for their 8-0 shellacking of a woeful Sunderland, but for the pressing, high tempo football with which they’ve graced the Premier League this season despite a torrid summer of upheaval.
But we don’t want anyone to get too big-headed, so here’s a dose of realism for Saints supporters: while it may seem like an innocuous enough statistic, no team has made fewer substitutions than Southampton this season, which suggests to us that they lack strength in depth. An injury to one of Dusan Tadic (directly involved in over 40% of Southampton’s goals this season), Graziano Pelle (six goals in eight games) or Morgan Schneiderlein (just very good) could see the south coasters struggle.
Spirits still not dampened? Well stick this in your pipe and smoke it: no team with a striped home shirt has finished in the top four of the Barclays Premier League since Newcastle in 2002-03.
So there.
Wild Dogs
"Those dogs had it coming." Photo: @SkyFootball | Twitter
After a promising start to the season, Leicester City badly need a win: in their last three games they’ve scored just two goals and picked up a solitary point.
With that in mind, here’s a brief story for Leicester’s players to reflect on ahead of their weekend clash with Swansea City. A few years ago, Leicester manager Nigel Pearson fought off a pack of killer wild dogs with nothing but a walking stick and his bare hands while hiking in the Carpathian Mountains. Pearson survived; the dogs didn’t.
Is this really the sort of man you want to disappoint?
On Borrowed Time
Photo: @SkySportsCL | Twitter
Mario Balotelli’s struggles have been well documented, not least by us. The lack of goals were excused earlier in the season because, while not scoring, Balotelli was working hard for the team: harrying defenders, holding up the ball, tracking back. Against QPR last Sunday, however, you’d have been hard pressed to tell he was on the field at all. Until he missed an open goal, that is.
After less than three months, it seems as though Balotelli’s career at Liverpool is already reaching the Rubicon. The media, especially former Liverpool players, are queuing to put the boot in, while Brendan Rodgers appears to be losing patience: “He is working hard to try to fit into the team ethos here, but only time will tell. We will see come January what the team needs.” Mario’s shirt-swapping antics mid-week against Real Madrid, not to mention reports of threatening behavior towards a woman photographing his car, will not have helped matters.
Luis Suarez was forgiven his myriad flaws and transgressions because he was, is, a footballing genius: he scored goals, he created goals and he played for the team. Think of the support afforded Suarez after the Patrice Evra incident, or the Ivanovic incident. Remember the welcome he received on Merseyside when he returned on Deadline Day after having already joined Barcelona.
Suarez was tolerated because he contributed, either through his goals or his work-rate; unless Balotelli begins to do the same, starting with Hull on Saturday, he may not be round much longer.
Elementary, My Dear Alan
"S***...I can't do that math." Photo: @BBC Sport | Twitter
After Newcastle United’s labored 1-0 win against Leicester last weekend, we commented on the obvious relief that was pouring out of Alan Pardew in his post-match interviews.
We hope he enjoyed his week out of the spotlight, because defeat seems by far the likeliest outcome against Tottenham Hotspur this weekend: Newcastle are averaging just one goal a game this season, while Spurs have scored at least one in 18 of their last 19 encounters with the Magpies.
You do the math.
