Brace yourselves. This story is not for the squeamish.
There was a shark attack at an English soccer game between Barnet and Grimsby town. We are not making this up.
Apparently, a Grimsby town supporter named Kenneth Meech assaulted a steward at Barnet's home grounds with an inflatable shark, like the things that small children ride around on in swimming pools.
According to the BBC, the steward "told the court he was hurt by the inflatable which was being waved 'like an axe' and described the three blows to his head 'as like being hit by a roll of paper.'"
Oh, the humanity.
Meech received a fine of 700 Pounds, plus additional costs, but not a footballing ban. And he now has a great story, and a good excuse for railing against wasteful government procedures.
Contact The18 Staff Writer Sam Klomhaus at Klomhaus@The18.com, or follow him on Twitter @SamKlomhaus