10 Footballers You Wouldn't Want To Meet In A Dark Alley

We would first like to say that this is a bit of a jokey list, not to be taken seriously. Otherwise, Ched Evans would be at the top, and it wouldn't be close. 

We got to wondering recently who the scariest footballers are. We did some research and came up with this list. If we missed anybody, let us know in the comments.

10. Tim Howard

Tim Howard is really intense and yells a lot. If he showed up in a dark alley, he likely wouldn't try to hurt us, but we would have a very good chance of dying of fright if he was in the wrong mood.

9. Adebayo Akinfenwa

We actually don't know much about Akinfenwa as a person. Really, from what we've read, he seems like nice guy, which is why he is low on the list. What we do know is that he's the strongest man in FIFA 15 and he's built like an NFL running back. So, for those reasons, we wouldn't want to run into him in a dark alley.

8. Wayne Rooney

We're not actually that scared of Wayne Rooney, except for the fact that he has a noted temper and would definitely fight dirty (kick us in the nuts).

7. Chuck Norris

Photo: @zlatagram | Twitter

Oh wait, never mind, that's Andrea Pirlo. Better keep Chuck on the list just to be safe though.

6. Nigel De Jong

Just ask Xabi Alonso what De Jong can do in a bad mood.

We, personally, do not like to be karate-kicked in the chest.

5. Oliver Kahn

Oliver Kahn is so terrifying that he doesn't even play anymore and we included him on this list to be sure we don't piss him off by omitting him.

4. Elizabeth Lambert

Elizabeth Lambert doesn't play soccer anymore (at least, we hope she doesn't), but we still wouldn't want her behind us in a dark alley because if she is that insane during a soccer game there's no telling what could happen in the real world. She would probably shoot up.

3. Luis Suarez

Here are three reasons to be scared of running into Suarez in a dark alley:

2. Hope Solo

"Hope Solo's destructive behavior a real concern." No other words need be said.

1. Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Zlatan has a black belt in Taekwondo and shoots moose in his spare time. Oh, and he's crazy. 

@SamKlomhaus

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