Gossip

Zlatan Makes Curious Suggestion On Instagram

Zlatan Ibrahimovic endeared himself to Manchester United fans during the 2016-17 season, scoring 28 goals in 46 appearances. As the season ended and Zlatan’s contract with the Red Devils neared its conclusion, an entrepreneurial United fan took it upon himself to re-sign the Swedish striker, offering up his wife in exchange for Ibrahimovic’s signature.

Did Graham Zusi Steal A $25,000 Unicycle?

Tragedy struck earlier this week when everyone’s favorite basketball halftime entertainment — a unicycle-riding, plate-balancing, bowl-juggling acrobat who goes by Red Panda — lost her custom-built, 7-foot unicycle. Someone took the luggage containing the Red Panda unicycle at the San Francisco airport baggage claim. That someone looks like Graham Zusi.

Greatest Individual Performance In The History Of Ligue 1 Already Forgotten

On Wednesday, Neymar put on the greatest individual display in the history of Ligue 1. The Brazilian scored four goals, including a sublime free kick and ridiculous solo effort, while adding two assists in PSG’s 8-0 win over Dijon. Anyway, his fourth goal was roundly jeered by supporters inside the Parc des Princes and that’s all anybody’s really talking about now. It’s sensational, it’s surreal and it’s sadly understandable.

6 Salacious Transfer Rumors That Are Too Legit To Quit

The closing of the transfer window sees various plot lines reach a unifying crescendo: Leicester City, with their Premier League title and Champions League adventure now firmly behind them, are about to be torn apart. Monaco, already torn apart, are subject to further tearing. Barcelona still have Neymar cash to flush, and they’re giving any wide player that scored more than 10 league goals last season the eye.

Jean Michael Seri's Failed Transfer To Barcelona Was Like A Game Of Thrones Plot Line, Probably

Warning: Game of Thrones spoilers below (and Jean Michael Seri transfer spoilers if you're somehow DVRing that)

Transfer season is nearing its grand finale and storylines are all over the place and no one knows what will happen but everyone is excited. Similarly, America's favorite fantasy dragon incest jamboree has reached the conclusion of its penultimate season, and storylines are just as all over the place as the summer transfer window. In fact, I have noticed some striking similarities between the two.

Jurgen Klopp Tells Simon Mignolet Not To Worry About That Handsome Other Guy

Simon Mignolet is a solid guy. The 29-year-old Belgian shot-stopper isn’t renowned for his incredible reflexes, an impeccable command of his area or world-class distribution, but he’s pretty dependable. “He is solid, he is like a machine. You can always rely on him,” says Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp.

Harry Kane's Blistering Form Continued Over The Summer

Any casual fan knows that Harry Kane has been a goalscoring machine since becoming Tottenham's main striker during the 2014-15 season. At just 24, he has scored 78 Premier League goals, and many pundits believe he has a legitimate chance of challenging Alan Shearer's record of 260 goals in the EPL.

Of course, Kane needs to stay healthy and in top form, but so far he's keeping pace (Shearer scored 81 goals in his first three EPL seasons, although he was one year older than Kane when he broke in to the division).

Messi And His Wife Are Spending Their First Days As Newlyweds Hanging Out With Luis Suarez

You know how honeymoons are supposed to work: the newlyweds are supposed to hop on a plane and spend a few weeks being very romantic and doing it a lot while not seeing a single person they have ever met or will meet again. This is a tried-and true formula, but it is not the formula Lionel Messi and wife Antonella Roccuzzo are using, because their honeymoon includes Luis Suarez.

The One Thing That Separates Argentine Empanadas From Portuguese Ones

Lionel Messi and Antonella Roccuzzo are set to marry on Friday, June 30 in a suburb of their hometown of Rosario, Argentina. Prior to the big day, the pair’s wedding menu, ermahgerd, leaked.

We’ve got some fine charcuteries for the Barcelona boys to dig into (soccer moms will tell you that not including Bagel Bites could make for a foul evening, especially with Luis Suarez in attendance), but it’s the Argentine empanadas that have got me all hot and bothered.

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