Let's get hyperbolic: right now, Bas Dost is hotter than the sun. His shooting is so sharp he makes that guy in American Sniper look like a clumsy, fat-fingered fool. He's so god-damn bang-in-form he could score in a nunnery. In fact, Bas Dost is so hot right now he makes Hansel look like an overweight librarian in a mumu.
Since the turn of the year Bas Dost has scored 11 goals in just six Bundesliga fixtures for Wolfsburg, including another two last weekend against Werder Bremen. He's averaging a goal for every 63 minutes of league football he's played this season, a Bundesliga record, and only Leo Messi has scored more league goals in 2015 (and he's played three more games, the cheat).
With Kevin de Bruyne providing the bullets, Bas Dost has fired The Wolves to second place in the Bundesliga, scoring or assisting fully two thirds of their goals since Christmas. He's their fox in the box; poacher par excellence; the guy in the right place at the right time, again and again and again.
So who is this man with the great name and an even greater scoring record?
Dost rose to prominence with Dutch Eredivisie side Heerenveen, for whom he signed as a 20-year-old in 2010. In his first season with the Frieslanders he was their top scorer with 13 goals. In his second, he was the most prolific striker in the Eredivisie, notching up 32 goals in 34 league fixtures and 38 from 39 in all competitions.
Wolfsburg snapped up Dost at the end of 2011-12 and immediately unleashed him on the Bundesliga: he duly scored the winner on his debut. But things went a little south from there. Dost made just 13 league appearances for Wolfsburg in 2013-14, and at the start of this season found himself third choice striker behind Ivica Olic (since sold) and – gasp – Nicklas Bentdner. Prior to Christmas he’d started just three Bundesliga games, but since Santa came a-knocking his goal scoring has gone bat-shit mental.
Despite such impressive feats of marksmanship, Dost has yet to earn a single cap for the Netherlands. Even after his 2011-12 goal-glut for Heerenveen, the 6ft 5in striker was overlooked for Euro 2012 (the Oranje duly bombed out at the group stage, scoring just twice).
With Robin van Persie and Klaas-Jan Huntelaar both injured, expect that lack of international recognition to be addressed soon. Brace yourselves, too, for an outbreak of “Bas Dost To [INSERT BPL TEAM OF YOUR CHOICE]” stories across the internet as media outlets do the 1+1=click-bait dance all summer long. Personally, we think he’d be a particularly excellent signing for Aston Villa: Dost has single-handedly scored as many league goals in just 12 games as Villa have collectively managed all season long.
Yeah, we know. Never. Gonna. Happen.
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